i'm dead frustrated.
and really really confused.

i'm putting my foot down on this-
enough is enough.
to myself, to you, and to everyone.
quit being such pushovers and kick yourself if you haven't kept to your limits.

let me just say that tessa's house is the coolest house i've ever been in. seriously.
it's got a room for everything! and yes, it's freaking huge.
she gave me a tour of the entire house(:
spent most of the time playing blackjack. with her brothers and dad and everyone else.
(seems to be the favourite this year.)

had to leave early to go to ah-boh's house.
ah. okay. nothing much happened there except i won gonggong and dad's money.
i didn't make a loss today(; except that one dollar that i gave to basil.
i simply can't resist kids.

i've actually only half a mind to blog today,
and you've already sensed my foul mood from a mile off.
i really cannot stand anyone talking bad about people i actually care about.
it pisses me off- damn straight.
even as friends, even as a joke, i'm never comfortable with it.
i mean, if you don't have anything to talk about,
don't bitch. don't talk at all.

okay. i have no idea why i'm getting so worked up.
maybe i'm just not used to it (okay fine, i'm not.),
and the idea of insulting her is just way out of the line.
so what if you're nice, rich, pretty, and god cares what else,-
nothing gives people the right to talk like that.
i hate people who only know how to have fun. they take nothing seriously.
i know i'm being way too serious,
and it's not jealousy alright.
damn it.

it would've been a beautiful day.
and if you only knew.

it's fifteen minutes later.
and i'm feeling less of a jerk.
thank you tall guy! i owe you many(:

i don't think liking a second cousin is counted as incest right?
haha. nahhhhh.
just hot(:

it'll be hardcore mugging tmr.
jiayou:D

Stop, admit that I'm wrong

And then change my mind

Sorry but I gotta be strong

And leave you behind

i'm trying to make myself study today(:
i'm very weirdly wired up, so the best way for me to get to studying is to have nothing else better to do.
so i've visited every blog i could think of, randomly (okay fine, i was cybersussing=_=) checking people's friendsters, downloaded all the songs i wanted, talked to people, and done everything i would've usually done with the computer.
so once i've finished blogging, i expect myself to stone for about five minutes and then hit the books.
alright! :D

i'm kinda pushing myself cause i know i'll feel guilty if i don't study at all today.
cause i'm like heading to tessa's house in the afternoon before going to my aunt's for dinner.
people, please don't smile here(:
haha. i know what you all are thinking!

but i told her i needed to kill time or kill myself, so thus i was invited over.
remind me to bring oranges? lol.
okay. fine. my attempt to sound nonchalant isn't working out.
i admit i'm looking forward to it(:

and about the blogskin, i was just really bored and sick of the old one.
many many reasons there. and so here's this plain looking one which describes me=
plain.
i realised i left my watch at popo and gonggong's house!
which i went on thursday.
CRAP. i'll have to go tell mum who'll probably yell at me for being such a careless nitwit.
haha.

with my 10% keep of my hongbao money,
i shall go buy my no-degree specs!
i've had the longest obsession with them. forgive my attempt to appear smart, but really, i think they look great. and especially with amanda and daphne getting new specs.
i absolutely can't resist(:

i realise i'm exactly like those people who bought shares in the market.
mdm goh says it's okay as long as you bought them with your own money. those who are on loans are totally screwed.
and thinking of the few thousand i invested with mum, i'm like making a loss now):
haha. but mum's trying to rescue her reputation and she says:
nvm! just sit on it. it'll make money soon.
i don't like american bankers who seek to profiteer):
my poor money!
(also in the sense that the value of money drops when there is inflation)

i'm such an econs freak.

anyway, i was talking to hongbin last night.
and suddenly i started crapping and kicking myself into emo mode,
so naturally he tried to stop me.
guess what he said?
haha. "BARKING MONKEYS!"
it was the best distraction i've ever seen. totally random and yet effective.
i never knew old people knew such stuff(:
and we were having a long long debate on valentines day.
he was attacking on the profits of florists and such,
and i was defending vday with the romantism of it all.
"it's a vicious cycle!"
okay. i admit i like old people now(: haha.
but how he can click with us young people never ceases to amaze me!
go tall guy(: you're the coolest.

dad brought us to his friend's place last night.
and this guy popped up wearing the exact same shirt as dad!
:O
and then on the way home, dad said that he was gay.
:OOOO
he's even got a boyfriend. okay. i think that's the coolest and bravest thing to do in singapore.
but gays here lead a very lonely life):
and so people last night were like wondering if they should give him a hongbao.
dad says girls mind it when someone pops by wearing the same stuff, but guys find it quite fun.
so i suppose that's why dad says the other guy was happy when we left(:
okay. hint hint(:

some guys get totally turned off when the homosexuality topic comes up.
like they're usually normal and all, but when i say stuff like:
good what. then you all can be gay together(:
they'll go like: OMG NOOOO. DUH!
i mean like. i could've meant happy right? haha. and so far, no guy has agreed with my "i think homosexuals are damn cool." mindset.
grumbles. haha. they can be so square that it's funny.
yet upsetting.

note to self:
talk to guys about topics they're on or they won't give a shit/think you're really really weird.

i think i'm gonna get terribly lost later. i might find myself in changi prison instead of near her house.
sigh.
but don't you all think she's a great girl?
i do. truly(:

geog CA on monday.
development- everything but strategies. okay.
let's go grab them As(:

I can't waste time so give it a moment

I realize, nothing's broken

No need to worry 'bout everything I've done

Live every second like it was my last one

Don't look back- got a new direction

I loved you once, needed protection

You're still a part of everything I do

You're on my heart just like a tattoo

heyo(:
today's soooooo boring.
someone please let me visit their places to collect hongbaos.

it's really really anticlimax having to study geog durnig cny.
although i pretty much have nothing else to do(:
had some visitors in the morning before going to ji-lao-gou's house.

her mee siam is like the BEST. it's great every year:D
haha. and they were talking about inflation. i suppose it did me good to eavesdrop.
and then, the making of coffee prince cam eon tv!
and mum just sat there, not taking her eyes off.
we were oogling some guys and laughing loudly although we were in other people's house.
ooooops(:

and um, it seems that alot of my second and third cousins grew up over the year!
they seem alot more..
cool.
and um, goodlooking(;
although i don't even know who some of them are. and the only time i get to see/talk to/touch them is like when we shake hands and wish each other a happy new year?
and even then, some people just shy away/become wallflowers.
how totally awesome is that.

and about the eyecandy!
okay. last night was pretty crazy.
the eyecandy bit is nothing! haha. everyone was like
OOOOH, SO YOURE OVER him? OMG NOELLE.
IS THE NEW ONE CUTE? WHAT'S HIS NAME?
(everyone, you're right, you see a HE/HIS/HIM there.)
and they tried cybersussing him out?
oh my. that was scary. i mean, i don't chase every goodlooking guy right!
O_O i'm so disappointed mann! haha.
i just happen to have an oversensitive pair of eyes.
and an overactive brain.
i imagine us going out and making out before i even say hi? ooops.
haha, no im joking! duh=_=

sheesh.
i'm just gonna sit back and relax ya know?
and stop taking the initiative. if they're interested, they'll come.
besides, i'm like still missing some Ahole who doesn't even care.
so i'll just take everything in with my eyes(:
there's a term EYEcandy and HEARTcandy. lots of difference there!

"new one". haha. i have like a long list of eyecandy material okay.

i was kinda tempted to run out of the house to head to some crazy new year party that i don't even know shit about.
at 1am.
someone was playing the serpent, and it was hard to say no):
but i didn't wanna break mum's heart so i stayed home. haha.
i hope she had fun! :)

i like it when some people use totally weirded out language.
for example:
FUYOOHH!
COOLIO.
and WHOSSAT.
haha. it's so adorable la, and the best part is, i'm not quite sure what the first one means.
like,
FUYOOHH! WHO'S THE DROOL-WORTHY EYECANDY YOU'RE TAKLING ABOUT?
so i suppose it's an exclamation coupled with shock and amazement.

shaun says he collected an amount near 500 yesterday.
and i was shocked cause last year it was only four hundred plus for the whole three days.
alright! :D i'm so buying people starbucks.
(when i have the time.)
i better keep my hopes down cause some people tend to disappoint me alot.

guys should always be manly. and confident.
they should like to be in control and not be dragged around.
they should never ever be girly, although looking girly is more than fine to me(:
i like those type of guys.
quiet or noisy, humorous or serious. but never ever pushy.
you deserve SO so much better.
so don't be afraid to leave first(:

so far, my chinese new year resolution's to
SOCIALISE.
it's working but with the wrong people. haha.
some people take cny for a period of fun and crazy gambling,
some take it for a holiday period (?????),
and some just don't give a shit.
i take it the way it is- family time.
so interact with your long-time-no-see relatives, or maybe ones that you've never even met.
and if it's really that boring, just head down to a club(;
i've been staying clean so far.
no drinks, no gambling, no partying.
yet(:

i think i'm swaying.

oh no, not again.

hello everyone.
i'll like to announce that i have yet another piece of eyecandy.
that i'll probably see only once a year during chinese new year.
and that i'll never talk to, but still,
EYECANDY!


haha. i'm so weird(:
it's a kinda boring chinese new year.
it's usually much more fun(:
oh. except shaun's hair. he was trying to attain the "just-out-of-bed look", but it went totally wrong.
even gonggong with his chinese accent told shaun that "it is not beautiful."
that was so, so so funny! :D


went to ah gong's house in the morning,
then to eugene and adrian's place.
it seems that eugene grew yet another head tallerO_O
haha. and we left in a hurry because their clock read 12:45.
and after we ran into the lift, we realised it was only 12:30??
i figured they must've set the clock faster so as to chase us away earlier:D
evil intentions! haha. jokingggg(;

mum seems to find everything funny.
she and ines seem to be living five minutes behind me and shaun.
me: if this is a spear (holds out finger), then what's this? (shakes finger)
no one knew so i went like: SHAKSPEARE!
shaun burst out laughing on the spot,
ines and mum took a few seconds. (or maybe a minute)
.....
ines: ah. so i see, if like this (shakes finger) then it's shakespeare! hahahahaha. (repeats it to herself quite a number of times)
mum: ahahahahahaha. ahahahhahaha.

?????

it's not even that funny. but yeah.
shaun (learnt from me): if this is superman (hand moves forward) then what is this? (moves hand back towards him)
after a while, mum actually said: spiderman.
shaun and i couldn't help but go high. terribly high.
and i think ines said: spiderman flying.
mum laughed non-stop when we told her: it's superman returns.
please, spare me=_=

you've probably heard all these before,
and it's really, really not funny.
i mean, spiderman?
oh my:D
but yeah. that's like my highlight of the day? haha.
my ridiculous hilarious family.


i love my little cousins.
they're like the coolest people around(:
first up, there's the handsome martin. who can be such a gentleman and such a hooligan when it comes to games. charming indeed!
and then it's a tie between him and little basil!
basil's like the cutest kid boy ever(; he steals food before everyone eats, blows out people's birthday candles, pokes fingers into the cake, and the like. and he's very blur and very, very innocent. oh i heard he tried to set newspapers on fire before, the project obviously headed by bryan and brendon(:
and little baby renee, who's the darling of the family.
"renee, are you naughty?"
"no! i'm not naughty. i'm a cute girl (gives this irresistable baby smile)"


ahhhhhhhh(:
disgressing.


then went to lao-yi's house.
met zalmon (who grew a head taller too) and whoever else.
i told him his hand was much bigger the lst time i shook it.
and he said mine was too? oh my. then that must've been like ten years ago. haha.
my hands are small=_=
alot of people said they couldn't recognise me.
(in the good way.)
and till now, NO ONE HAS SAID THAT IM LOOKING MORE AND MORE LIKE MUM!
first time:D


mum and dad dropped us off at aunty jenny's place.
and oh my, it was like a casino!
there was the card shuffler thing, as well as the card dispenser thing, as well as the green tablecloth you see on blackjack tables!
O:
shaun lost alot of money blackjacking, especially when gerard was the banker.
my uncles and aunties are really funny people who have a teeny bit too much fun.
haha(:
gerard was like on some really lucky streak, and kept winning away ahma's money.
so ahma got discouraged and went to play mahjong(; HAHA.


his hair is dyed purple? that's quite cool(:
i think i was staring a bit too much.
but hey, it's not everyday you see people with purple and brown hair in patches.
uncle william says he opened the world of gambling to them since young.
aiyo, bad influence! tsk tsk uncle!
haha. they seem to like me alot, and so i like them too(:


the people on the wii were getting really high and screaming while bowling.
shaun got tired in the end (most probably from losing money) and pulled a long face.
haha. i'm so happy i didn't gamble. i would've lost to gerard and his dad a billion times over!
O_O
and i didn't wanna spend my hongbao money that way.

i wanna go shopping:D
:D :D :D :D :D
how many of you aren't surprised?
haha.

alright. have a great cny everyone! :D

happy chinese new year eve everyone(:
it's the bestest family time you could ask for.

i was supposed to go cycling today.
but she didn't reply me.
i think i was expecting a little too much anyway(:
well, at least she asked me last night.
i'm grateful enough.

i pity all the prawns i just arranged.
raw prawns make me scared.
but anyway,
i believe i have the potential of being a master of food arrangement!
:D i'm gooooood.
they look so pretty(:

dad asked me if i would rather
-my daughter marrying the wrong guy
-my daughter turning lesbian.
haha. i told him i'll rather my daughter be lesbian,
or/and my son be gay.
i don't mind(: as long as they're happy.
haha. my parents were talking about shaun the other day.
buying really gay tshirts and bowers. (they're pink.)
and dad went like:
oh no, sam. your son is turning gay.

rofl mann(:
and mum didn't say anything and continued talking about the way shaun sometimes acted.
like girly sentences and stuff.

i think they should worry more about me right.
xD
haha.

especially with the "i'm laying off guys for a while" thing(:
i still have some feelings you know.
i'll just keep them hidden away. and they'll wear off someday.
i mean like, if you don't even SEE someone, you'll stop liking them soon.
right(:

but still, here's an analysis of what people have been telling me(:
tessa'll say
they just don't know how to appreciate you. it's their loss noelle!
(she says that about every guy i date.)
nat'll say
wahlau. he's such a sucker! (:D)
hongbin'll say
you're still young la. still got so many chances!
alisha'll say
aiya. don't like guys la. go for girls(:
amanda'll say
don't emo la! he's just a guy.
abigail would probably say
staying single is the best (refers to herself and amanda) :D
and shaun'll say
all of them are bastards. (and exclude himself!)

AWWWWWWWWWWW.
i swear. i meet the funniest people:D
they're so sweet mann.
it's inevitable anyway. can't help it(:

i think i've liked a huge number of guys.
ooooops.

and today,
ines told me a story. it was like lame and a TOTAL waste of time.
so much so that i ended up laughing, at HER.

once upon a time (wth???),
a guy worked overtime cause his boss asked him to, and he wasn't very rich.
till 1200am. then he went to the bus stop.
then bus 123 came chugging along.
(chi chi chi chi chi)- sound effects.
the bus reached the bus stop at 1205am.
and he went on. he wanted to go upstairs, but an old lady said:
dooon't goo upstairs. (creepy voice)
so he sat at the back of the bus.

the next day, he worked OT again cause his boss asked him to and he wasn't very rich.
till 1200. then he waited for the bus 123,
and it came at 1205. (chi chi chi chi chi)
again, he wanted to go upstairs, but the same old lady told him:
dooon't goo upstairs.
and he sat at the back.

AND ON THE THIRD DAY,
he worked OT yet again till 12.
and the bus came chugging along at 1205
(chi chi chi chi chi)
he wanted to go upstairs again, but the old lady stopped him with the same words.
but he really wanted to go upstairs. so on the second step he took,
the old lady got kinad angry and went like: doon't go upstairs!
so he got a little pissed, and asked why.
the old lady went:
becauseeeeee, upstairs got no bus driver.
(the story should've ended here btw.)
he went: ah ma, don't need bus driver la! same bus, same bus!
(and i think she wanted to say: and so they lived happily ever after.
but maybe i looked pissed.)

=__________________=
you see how much time she took to tell me the story.
and by the time she finished, i think she expected me to laugh but i was too exasperated.
she threw in the most irrelevant details,
like the bus CHI CHI CHI CHI CHI-ing along, and at 1205. and whatever else.
and maybe shorter it to a day or two.
she should never be a storyteller mannnn.

haha. my sister is like living on another planet with my brother.
they're both totally weird in totally different ways.
O_O
i mean, shaun goes to IKEA to buy fried rice???
and ines goes out for tea to buy an ordinary ham and cheese sandwich that we could totally make at home. and better!
see.
oh my. my poor parents(:

but i suppose it's really good entertainment.

i should totally go get a life.

and stop pathetically waiting for people,

who btw don't give a shit.

i thank my lucky stars for tessa.
(:
talking to her always, always makes me happy.
no matter what the situation's about.
ahhhh, i feel blessed(:

went for BK breakfast with the 4/1 clique today,
and then re-watched 27 Dresses.
THAT GUY IS SO FREAKING HOT.
HE'S LIKE THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE!
he doesn't have THAT much lokos, but the charm that oooooozes out is like,
whoa.
i absolutely can't forget the part where he said:
'get over here.'

i'm a swoooooooning girl(:

his eyes are so deep and so perfect.
he's a bomb of charisma:D
sexxxyyyyyyyy(:

and then went for shopping and um,
saw nothing nice):
daphne totally got ripped off for her skinnies.
it's RIDICULOUSLY overpriced and i don't see why she bought it.
sighhhhhh.
dental was ridiculous too. waited for like half an hour?
ahhhhhhhh.
changed them to maroon/dark red(:
and i sawwwwwww SHIHUA at level 4.

ms lee thought we were sisters/cousins or something.
it was hilarious!
she was like trying to make out whatever's on my name tag.
probably checking if we had the same surname(:

then met mum at parkway.
and for once, i had more cash than mum!
mum said that the banks ran out of money. haha!
absense of liquidity.
commercial banks have fail;ed to serve their immediate purpose.
D:

so i ended up buying her tea with whatever money i owed her.
mum's been feeling really nice and buying me stuff.
like ALOT of shirts:D and today, a pair of charles and keith heels!
peep-toe heels are the LOVE:D
thanks mum! i love ya.

in this case,
love can be bought.
all girls have a materialistic side,
and besides, everyone likes to get pampered once in a while(:

and i hope dad isn't that stressed anymore.
otherwise you'll get wrinkles soonO_O
but dosen't matter,
my dad's like SO handsome:D

HAHA.
i don't know what's with me today:D

must be the guy(:

THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES.

and then, go fly a kite.

i feel accomplished today! (:

today's SS paper was really tough. and i'll say now that i really hate decontextualised SBQs. you have NO idea what's coming out, and that's what happened today.
the cartoon was rubbish. haha.

but apart from that,
the bus ride to school was pretty awkwardly nice.
(:

i'm so happy that chinese new year is here,
and although it means studying alot,
i'm happy i'll get to see all my relatives again. and be forced to eat the delicious stuff they make. and get slapped on the back for a job well done.
and get complimented on how i'm growing to look more and more like my mum.
and of course, the angpaos.
which are gonna be saved due to the rising bank interest.
it's a good time to save and not to invest(:

i'm totally in love with a brown, all-leather motorcycle-like jacket.
which is tailored and fitting and all.
it costs 399.90. i'll buy it myself one day:D
(:

i'll officially thank the annoying prat sylvia tong for a job well done today.
it's the biggest deed you can do for me. i owe you a HUGE one:D
it was hilarious how you ran in screaming the numbers(:

sense my happiness.

i'm kinda happy that i passed my econs.
for once i feel the need to stop bashing myself up and take a break.
and i'm sorry to those who aren't as happy.
i don't know why i'm sorry but i know everyone studied hard and all.
in fact, we study hard for every test. it just doesn't come out that well):
but, i'll count my blessings and accomplishments one by one(:

i find my life much slower now.
i have the time to sit back and sleep.
but i couldn't help being nice and actually apologising last night.
for something that wasn't my fault.
and i actually plucked up the courage to say thank you.
(:
see, accomplishment!
and although you're a horrible guy, (and a worse friend)
i like you loads(:

i've gotta go down to mr seow's for tuition later.
i hope gloria's there.
then we can laugh at the really weird guy who keeps sniffing (LOUDLY) and biting his shirt.
and styling his hair?
like every ten seconds.
haha. tkss people are getting weirder.

and i haven't seen the chee-ko-pek for a long time now!
as well as harry potter. (he really really looks like him!)
you might wonder what kind of tuition i go for:D
you'll never find anyone like mr seow mannn.
who like badmouths and makes fun of his students. haha.
it's so hilarious you'll end up loving it.

strange as it seems,

she's the one i'm after(:

i was waiting for your call

the day after yesterday.

something deep inside says:

it'll never come.

one year ago, i was asked: family, love, or friendship?
i said: love, friendship, and then family.
now i'll say: family, love, and then friendship.
well well(:

today was spent shopping, and i returned home empty handed (once again)
mum has got a billion discounts at a billion shops,
for it's her birthday month. so yeah(:
dad bought shoes and pants, and nothing much caught my eye i suppose.

i know some people are like:
haha noelle, finally you get knocked off your high horse!
annoying prats. haha. i suppose yes i did, but at least i didn't fall that badly.
i'm up and riding again. slowly, cautiously.
i think it's just an ego thing.
YES, i have an ego. it's not called ego, i name it PRIDE.
my pride's been badly injured.

mum always says i think i'm too smart.
and if she knew, i bet she'll go: i told you so.
but all she thinks about is ryan,
and not the guy she called "the pretty face rich boy".
"you know noelle, auntie susan says that ryan's a scheming boy."
"yes i know mum:D"

it's kinda funny to observe everything whilst standing aside now.
the thrill of the chase doesn't excite me anymore.
with freedom comes lonliness,
but i'll appreciate the silence now.
it's like sitting along a long beach by yourself.
i love beaches(:
(bitches.)

i'll wait.
for the silent gentlemen with his mysterious air,
and his alluring eyes.
with the maturity of an older man.
yes, i enjoy maturity more than anyone else.
i'll wait for my Mr. Darcy(:
(he's like my ideal guy!)
apologies for the over-indulgence in novels.

there's a reason for everything,
and what's fated to be yours will be yours.
accept it and move on,
improve to become better,
and maybe someday, we'll all be happy(:

cheers to the future.
may it be truly ours to conquer.