finally managed to get online..

danse fe'line sur cordes is a big disappointment.
we've worked our asses off and all we get is nothing but criticisms.
from our dear tcher, ms chiam.
it kinda kills the enthusiasm we have.
(if we actually have any now..)
and the rehearsal was horrible..not to include that mdm lee and mrs william was sitting in the audience.
and people were ABSENT.
it was just crap.

i wonder why i actually accepted my new role in the first place.
i should have just remained as a cat and make my life easier.
its embarassing. really.
and like more than half the class is going..
i should just wear a mask or something so people wouldnt recognise me. O_O

but ONE good thing is..
i have found out the price of the guitar which im in love with.
*i didnt actually have the guts to ask the salespeople..
but ashley did it for me.
she asked a CUSTOMER.. funny.
she was asking everything for me.
im such a chicken sometimes.*

i have to go persuade my mum to let me buy it..
bcus right now..
the money is in my bank account..
and i need her to help me withdraw it.
but heck. if she doesnt allow it..
then ill just starve all the way until the june hols and go buy it myself.
i need to eat less anyways.

its been really shitty these few days.
in school.
where all my results are horrible.
in ballet.
where i WANT to dance my best,
but my body cant take it and ACHES.
its like i dont even have the energy to dance.
it really pisses me off..*
and in DANCE.
where i have to accept my cruel fate of taking on such a role just to entertain the audience.

and i have to SMILE and pretend the world is a perfect place.
hmph.
just to make sure i dont offend other people.

*i think its high time people start keeping promises btw, its really horrible to be disappointed when people break their promises repeadtedly, and after a while you just cant relate to them anymore.*

went to ashley's house yesterday..
ate this cute roti prata thing..
with chocolate and strawberry sauce..
i just wished that there was more chocolate sauce.
we added on alot of sugar.. so imagine how sweet it was.

erm. and THEN there was the guitar thing..
i swear im gonna get it.

then while walking arnd..
smelt POPCORN- or something that smelt like it..
so we traced it to the POP cafe..
and ther was like WAFFLES.
3.90.. with loads of hershey's choc syrup and one scoop each of chocolate and vanilla icecream.
way worth it compared to the prata.
and you could get a second one at.. 1.90?
shiok.

and my bro can be such a prat sometimes..*
we just had an arguement a few hours ago..
about the COMPUTER. how immature of me.
*but it was my fault..
bcus i blew up over something small..
i was sort of venting my frustration on him..
my mood is just out of control nowadays.

got more tickets for the performance yesterday..
it was just plain weird.
cause there was a whole crowd of girls using the library printer..
including me.
and all printing tickets to my performance.
and we had to figure out which way the printer PRINTED-
cause some people needed to print double side..
i figured it out in the end. moohoohoo.

theres supposed to be ballet today..
but they're rehearsing for the big walk thing-
so i dont need to go.. since im going with shaun.

okay.. heres my updated wishlist:
(HAPPINESS is understood.)
im leaving out all the REALLY IMPOSSIBLE ones.*
-a handphone (since mine is confiscated)
-THAT GUITAR
-MY INTERNET CONNECITON
-new pointe shoes (since im still waiting for mine)
-fbt shorts (i need them for the moe camp)
-ANOTHER notebook..
-a new set of double tipped markers (since half of mine are missing..)

that was just random. O_O

im dying of boredom at home.
was stoning the whole afternoon.
just sitting on my bed and staring into space.
i only can go online for half an hour..
its pathetic, really.
and nowadays im coming home earlier..
even though my hate for HOME is growing..
bcus its absolutely boring. and everyone's so hostile.
so imagine how much i stone at home.

and im observing how easy it is for others to go out.
just arrange with friends and head out..
while i have to ASK FOR PERMISSION.
and get approval. and be reminded of my CURFEW.
its like im a CHILD. suckyy..
thats why i feel like talking to my parents is quite pointless..
even though my mum claims that
'it's good that you talk. and it's good that we know.'
and in the end they hardly do anything but set more barriers in my life.
how i wish i could just shut up..
and at the same time not piss anyone off.

honestly- i would exchange everything i had (or did not have) for my freedom.

what i need NOW- is xxl crispy chicken.
or soft squid from old change kee.
i have a habit of eating alot or not eating at all when im in a not-so-good mood.


im pissed. i dont really know why, but im pissed.
i dont really know what's right and wrong now.
and best of all- i dont know what to do. O_O

YES. finally.
this page took like FIVE mins to load up.
theres a problem with blogger.
haha. TEMPORARY problem.

went to victoria theatre to rehearse today.
i swear- ms chiam's definately picking on me.
but heck- it doesnt affect me that much.
im just doing what she told me to do..
so if she doesnt like it its her fault.
ME AND MY WEIRD LOGIC.

got three tickets for my performance for my dad, mum and SHAUN.
erm. wasnt keen on letting them go..
but they seemed rather enthu about it,
and i didnt wna let them down.
btw, its SHAUNS BIRTHDAY TODAY.
haha. havent got him anything yet.
letting him choose his present. :))

its like im the only one who's birthday is in december out of the three of us (ME SHAUN AND INES)

erm. ate at marina square.
had a bowl of fish noodles, wasnt enough,
ended up buying PIZZA.
oh, i went with gnatasha, daphne, shi hua, annabel and jamie.
yeah. and annabel, shi hua and nat all went off to the bus stop..
while the three of us walked through citylink to city hall mrt.
of course, we stopped alot along the way..
looking at stuff mahs.
took the mrt to paya lebar.
took bus 70 home.

this is a brief summary of my boring day.
haha. :))

i think people are scared off by the unearthly length of my frequent posts.

my boring and hard to understand posts.
O_O

managed to get on the computer..
my mum realised that i would be going nuts soon if i didnt have something constructive to do.
i think i was walking around the house like a zombie.
and i played alot of songs on ines' keyboard.
i was BORED. very BORED.

gave up reading SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE TEENS.
bcus i know almost everything inside it..
and its BORING. i fell asleep reading it yesterday..

was planning to go out tomorrow..
just go out and wander by myself.
but my MUM.. ahh.
she pulled me into her plan for tomorrow.
which is to shop for ines' and shaun's present.
and we ust spotted this warehouse sale ad in the newspapers..
so i assume shes going.
and she told me that she wanted to see the guitar shops.
I WANT TO GO OUT ALONE.
HONESTLY.
she probably thinks i'll DIE going out by myself.
but then again, she disapproves of me going out with my FRIENDS.
HOW CONTRADICTORY.

i need TIME alone. ARGH.

i dont know whats actually happening in my life now.
its just this weird pile of interlinking problems.
and when i solve one i realise that theres still MANY more to go.
hmph.

*got new speakers. its black. its nice. given by my auntie. THANKS :))*

yeah. erm. ive been acting really weird lately.
dont feel like going to the beach alone anymore..
haha. doesnt help much. makes me think about everything im not supposed to.
and i usually end up worse off.

havent got shaun anything.
currently feeling extremely guilty for being empty-handed.

my mum's strangely against the guitar thing.
but HECK- im gonna use my own money.
and pay for my course in june.
who cares.

ryan was trying to sell me his old classical guitar.
dream on- im not that rich you know.
and im not into classical.. sry ryan. O_O

okay. out of stuff to write AGAIN.
OH YEAH-
my maternal people are coming over for dinner.
im expecting the house to be thrown upside down inside out by my little cousins.
im sick of playing host. RAHH.

YO.
feeling moody now.
went out for dinner yst night..
it was quite scary.

erm. uncle ben and auntie susan were trying to squeeze info out of ryan.
cause they recently found out that he had a gf.
and they were asking all sorts of questions..
i think the worst was:
is she prettier than noelle?
and his answer was ''DUH'' (without even looking at me.)
i was stoning and i suddenly heard tht qn..
and i was like wtf la.
when did i go into the discussion?
but its not like i care how his gf looks like anyway..
haha. his life is his own business.
they were like:
but noelle is already so pretty and blablabla..
*how i wish i was sitting far far away across the room.
EMBARASSING LEHS.
please la- how many billion girls are prettier than me?

and they didnt allow rachel to date until she was TWENTY FOUR..
but please la.
i mean shes already dating FIVE guys although she has a STEAD.
im so OMG la.
shes got something wrong in her head.
literally.
and they dont know yet.. hoho.

and MY parents..
wlau. they kept giving the impression that i was DATING.
while i was INSISTING that i was NOT.
and shaun helped in saying he wouldnt let that happen.
and they were trying to find out INFO..

"is he handsome?"
"is he taller than shaun?"
"is he intelligent?"

i was freaking out. honestly.

I MEAN- WE'RE JUST FRIENDS.
*and this was in front of OUTSIDERS as well.*
AHH. and uncle and auntie suddenly talked about USING YOUR SIBLING AS A BASE OF COMPARISON.
which basically meant i was to compare others to SHAUN.
urgh. URGH.

and they said LOOKS and WEALTH matter.
O_O

and when me and rachel and mum went off to the toilet..
shaun was grilled by the other three adults..
haha. poor thing.
ryan was under the most pressure though.
i was second. shaun third.
and everyone still thought rachel was a young and innocent girl.
*VOMITS BLOOD*

rachel was like..
'noelle hows your bf?'

*when i dont even have one*
*so imagine my mood back then.

'is he cute?'
'YEAH- you know MY bf is brazillian and blablabla..'
'OH- and cedric diggory is so extremely cute.'
honestly. who gives a shit.
*i shall not let myself appear SLUTTISH.
and boast about my relationships.
HMPH.

and shes complaining about growing FAT..
in front of me.
and shes TALLER and WAY SKINNIER than me.
not like i care about her height..
but STILL.
and shes COMPLAINING.

it was just such a weird get together dinner.
erm. the food was GREAT though.
had salad.. and then this LAMB thing.
shaun finally decided to be a cannibal and eat his own kind.
*i can stil remember the time where he avoided goats milk bcus it was from a GOAT.
and baby pork ribs.
and loads more..
since we just shared stuff.
im sure no one really bothered abotu the price..
except me.
and i had a apple crumble and some other stuff.

i peeked at the bill.
$520++++++++++++++
and my mum was paying la.
O_O
NO NEED FOR THE EXTRAVAGANCE, MUM.
a nice SIMPLE, not so classy dinner would be fine.

and then we set out to explore the area..
was ten plus pm.
rachel suddenly attached herself to my BROTHER..
i was freaking out. AGAIN.
*cause shaun doesnt really like her..
**but i found out later that he only talked to her bcus he didnt wna be rude.
and i was discussing with ryan the WEIRD sight of shaun and rachel together.
rachel is such a flirt. period.

ryan was kinda disgusted.
so was i.
and my mum was like asking them to exchange numbers..
ARGH. PARENTS. AHH.

they should know when to bother and when not to.
hmph.

honestly. i kinda wish i wasnt on good terms with rachel.

i wish she OPENS her eyes.
and LOOKS at what really matters.
and not how cute a guy is and throw herself at him.
*and shes younger than me la.*
no point showing off to me. O_O

haha. nothing much really happened except the weird dinner thing..
and we're celebrating birthdays today.
but i have to go for ballet..
so maybe i'll leave earlier or something.