woke up at nine something.
still feeling quite sleepy..
ines and shaun are like within one meter of ME.

okay.. hmmm.
lets talk about yesterday..
erm. i was supposed to meet td at ONEpm at my house bball court..
at 12:54 he said he was coming..
by 1:18 he was still on the bus..
but i found out that he was on the wrong bus..
so i told him that, and he said he was screwed at 1:22.
proclaiming he was lost at 1:25,
i set out to look for him..
he was saying that he was in this bunch of house that werent familiar to him.
O_O
and THEN, he said that he was opposite the KANCANRAMA buddist temple at 1:32.
so i didnt know where the hell was that..
and started running to every temple in the vicinity..
then at 1:35, he said he was at minton court..
wich is damn close to my house..
and thank god i found him.

then we headed to the busstop,
since he needed to get back to hougang mrt,
and i was afraid he would get lost AGAIN,
so i just went with him.
it was slightly past two when we reached,
then he went to eat at kfc..
when he was supposed to meet his friend at 2:30,
so obviously he was late,
but his friend was late too, so it didnt matter.
*what a bunch of people who like to keep others waiting..*
he didnt want me to go alone, so he said he would look for me later after he had finished 'shopping' with his friend. O_O

then i went off alone..
was deciding between PS and suntec,
i was too lazy, so i just took the one which needed less travelling,
which is PS.
bought this powder from marks and spensers for my mum, bought myself a file and my fbt shorts, and bought that idiotic top-up card for my phone.. and of course, bought loads to eat.
it was like four something when i had used up nearly all my money and asked td if he was done..
and obviously he wasnt.
okay.. so i was waiting outside PS,
and a tota of seven people asked me to do surveys.
and when the age part came,
the first person immediately walked away when i said i was thirteen.
O_O
so for the rest, i just said i was eighteen..
and they believed me completely,
so that was funny.

natasha smsed me that she saw my mum at BORDERS.
lol.

ashley said she would look for me at 5:23..
she told me i had to wait for 10 minutes..
so i did..

at 5:44 she said shes at the mrt and asked me to meet her at the control station.
then she said she would reach there in six minutes.
i was already stoning bcus i had waited so long.
and td appeared with his friend.*
but she didnt, and somehow got lost...
and she kept calling my phone,
even though she probably knew i couldnt call/receive calls with my phone..
so i called her using td's phone.
and i was damn loud, and everyone could hear me.
okay...
so ashley found her way here in the end..
i think it was about 6pm.
she looked so obiang in her whatever outfit. O_O

then td and his friend walked off to the arcade..
so i just followed,
pulling ashley with me of course.
ashley was like talking about how long iit was since she last went to the arcade.
and we were criticising the peopl who were playing parapara.
but honestly, we COULD do better than them.
and most of them were just LOOKING pro,
when they missed all the arrows and whatever.
HAHAHA. suckrs.

but obviously, i wouldnt dare to demonstrate the proper use of the parapara machine in front of everyone.. and it was a long time since i did that. so i didnt. ((:

i was watching the drummania game,
remembering how much shaun said he liked it..
and ashley was beside me.. saying: (actually, we were shouting)
"WHATS WITH ALL THESE WEIRD PEOPLE PLAYING.. IS IT REALLY THAT FUN?" "THAT GUY REALLY THAT PRO MEH? (he had like dunno how many combos and was damned fast..)" "AND WHATS WITH THAT GUY WHOS PLAYING IN MIDAIR AND LOOKING AT THE SCREEN?"

*it never hurts to have a little bit of ashley. ((:

td and his friend gave up waiting for the drum game,
and played this weird shooting game..

so me and ashley pretended to walk off,
but we were instead looking at all the other games,
including the parapara which only includes your legs,
and ashley was saying that she was the most pro in her primary school,
but that was a long time ago.
LOL.

after REALLY leaving at 6 twenty something,
me and ashley had to bid a teary goodbye to each other,
and i think td was laughing at me.
WHAT AN IDIOT.

then his friend went off to somerset,
and we went to the NE line.
then he said his friend said that i look like a MALAY.
*shaun just heard this, and he said "punch him."*
HAHA.
erm, but alot of people think that im not chinese,
so its fine by me.

i was preeetty quiet the whole day,
except when ashley was around..
cause i had alot of think about,
but again i didnt tell that to anyone..

i got off at serangoon at took a bus home.

reached home before seven..

i just remembered what me and shaun were doing before i left..
we were watching videos of UNITED STATES OF WHATEVER.
including the ORIGINAL, and random videos made by POSERS (as shaun calls them)
but it was funny all the same.
O_O
the original, the singer had a HECKCARE ATTITUDE..
then one of the POSERS, had no attitude, but he kept doing this weird shaking dance.
then he had this part where he was talking to himself..
he had dressed up as two different guys..
weirdo.

my mum was just being irritating the whole time.
she kept saying that i had already gone out once this month..
i think thats just PLAIN RETARDED.
ONE A MONTH IS JUST CRAZY SHIT, AND NO ONE CAN KEEP TO IT.
WHAT IS SHE TRYING TO DO, KEEPING US LOCKED UP LIKE HAMSTERS.
not giving us enough money, not payign for our ENRICHMENT, not giving us a LITTLE bit of freedom..
i think its just weird.
WHATEVER.

i mean, either allow me to go out, or just keep quiet and force me to stay at home.
dont let me go out, and THEN keep reminding me of the bloody rules.
it just spoils my whole day, even though i had planned on going out alone, and it would have been bloody boring already.
im trying to COOL DOWN, and CHILL and stay away from everything for a few hours,
and she doesnt let me do that in peace.
as if i enjoy staying at home or going out with them.
i would rather just go out by myself and sit somewhere.

im just pissed, because shes acting as if she doesnt think.
and she jumps to conclusions damned bloody easily and refuses to listen to anyone unless that someone totally screamed in her face and shocked her into silence.

talking to her doesnt make anything easier,
so dont even try.
its like shes on her own planet and the world revolves around her.
can she just TRY to understand her kids and what theyre going through, instead of just comparing us to HERSELF (or to OTHERS, which she doesnt know ANYTHING about,) and saying that we are very lucky?
WTF, because shes treating us like we are in a modern day world war two.


okay.. ive just got myself rilled up AGAIN.
how perfectly splendid.
HMPH.

tired and sleepy.
ahh. woke up at.. five?
yeah. went to this temple with shaun, my grandma and my auntie.
to 'bai' guanyin.
cause its vesak day.
but it was just out of curiosity..
wasnt really serious about the whole thing..

erm okays.
I WANT TO GO OUT LATERR.
get my mum a present,
get my topup card.
meet td to pass him the tickets..
and my mum doesnt allow..
was asking her halfway last night then i just left..
cause she said: havent you already gone out once this month?
O_O
expected.
so i'll probably ask my dad..
or take shaun's suggestion.
which is to ask her repeatedly .. and if it doesnt work,
im just supposed to explode and tell her i was supposed to get her a present,
and since she doesnt allow, then i wont get anything for her.
lol. weird suggestion.. but it might work.
its abit.. awkward though.

shauns watching me blog. baah.
okay.. im probably gonna change my blogskin after this..
its gonna be quite small..
so i beg your pardon if i need to..

shauns was talking about how much i talk about growing fat.
O_O

haiz.
i need to take a break from the bloody performance.
its just gonna suck-
bcus i cant act for nuts.

and the TICKETS..
wlau. im damned pissed.
okay.. i had to book another two tickets for my friends..
and i had to borrow another two people's accoutns to book them..
so i had passed the two people the tickets and the money..
i got one of the tickets verified.
but the other one wasnt.
bcus of one particularly idiotic person.
and shes keeping the ticket money i gave her..
cause she didnt verify. and shes denying everything.
bloody hell.
shit-assed people.


IM PISSED.


and me and denise are planning to take up a dance course during the hols..
maybe hiphop, breakdancing, belly dancing, salsa...
or SOMETHING.
see first la..

i cant believe the performance is coming so soon..
we're not really prepared..
and in the consent form,
it stated to return the props and take good care of them,
bcus we need it for another performance...
AHHHHHHH. please tell me we are NOT restaging it.
NONONONONO. and she said soemthign about ESPLANADE.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
*please god, tell me its not true and im just dreaming.

theres a bloody problem with blogskins.com
ARGH.
just flooded ashley's tagboard.
hope she likes it ((:

my mum's being weird again.
shes going on and on about the guitar thing for me,
and going on and on abotu shaun's plan for his bass guitar.
she thinks we're overdoing it.
WHAT..?!?
and OBVIOUSLY, we're to come up with the $$ ourselves..
so yeah.
IT SUCKS ALOT, BCUS IM REALLY BROKE.
AND IM GONNA TAKE $$ OUT OF MY BANK ACCOUNT..
AND I CANT BEAR TO SPEND TO EXTRAVAGANTLY.
bahh.

just flooded nat's tagboard too..
the thing im afriad of..
is ashley AND nat flooding my tagboard..
it will be like.. wtf.
dont wna think abotu it. scary..

yesterday after dance prac,
me and nat went to parkway to eat..
bought five pieces of break from breakdtalk for five bucks..
two strawberry ones, one yam one, one sweet potato one, and one custard one.
the last three were the most weird-est bread ever..
and then we were supposed to share an icecream from SCOOPZ..
and she bought chocolatemint..
which is one of the weirdest icecream flavors...
and im nto exactly a great fan of it.
haha. nat's obsessed with it.

reached home early..
like eight plus.. then had dinner..
i was still hungry, even after all the bread.

shauns lying on my bed. O_O

ahha. i think im out of things to blog.
i cant really remember.. cause im distracted by shaun's weird choice of music..
which he insists on playing..
okay. CYAAAAAAAAAAZ.

okay here i am using the class computer at six something in the morning..
im BORED okays..
everyone's looking so sleepy and SIAN.
and i dont wna join them. O_O
HMMS.
shaun was telling mum about his bass or elec gutiar course..
and mum was like eating her dinner;
so she was like... not interested..
then suddenly she asked me:
Why do you all like to ask me things related to M O N E Y?
Why don't you all go ask Dad?

i mean-
ITS NOT LIKE SHES PAYING OR ANYTHING..
cause me and shaun both know that our parents WOULDNT pay..
so i just stared at her. =.=

BUT you see.. shaun has gotten a SPONSOR..
which so happens to be my AUNTIE-
so im like.. thats unfair. O_O
but either way i wont go and ask her and depend on her $..
bcus ive already received alot of stuff from her...
shaun doesnt see whats called being grateful,
and hes still aksing for more.
AND my auntie buys alot of stuff for him too.
INGRATE. :P

OOPS.
i just found out that we had to do the history conclusion..
and its second period?
ahhahah. i dont care.

there's also rehearsal today..
at the studio.. and im gonna die..
i wont be able to face a few of my seniors and still smile at them after hearing what they said about us..
ah. fatimah wants to use..
CYAZ.

ive got my internet back..
so i guess that's good.

i knew it was gonna be a horrible day.

at dance..
erm. there're good things..
on monday we get to leave school to go to victoria theatre at 830.
BUT no visitors are allowed.
and we're not allowed to go a step outside the theatre.
so that means i cant pass the tickets to td and i have to somehow get the tickets to them.
WAIT- no visiting until TEN PM..
which is the time the show ends.

and after that i'll probably walk around until it's late..
and then go to school on tuesday looking like a zombie.

okay.. heres the bad stuff.
look- im not bitching or anything okay?
and im not mentioning names either.
sorry my seniors- you have this extremely proud dancer junior.

many of the sec 2 dancers gathered during our free time during dance.
many of us had heard something the seniros said..
about our carnival day dance.
ONCE AGAIN- IM NOT DIRECTING THIS TO ANYONE AND I BEG YOUR PARDON IF I NEED TO.
its was: 'the sec two's dance is too sexual.. copy our dance.. steal our steps.. blablabla.' and bits and piece which none of us heard clearly/ could remember. oh yeah- and alot of disapproval..

hold on hold on- 'the seniors' is a general term for sec 3s AND fours..
not just sec 3s.

the sec threes came up with this great hip hop dance..
and we happened to come up with our own hip hop dance AFTER the sec 3s had decided.
and hip hop.. its basically loads of shaking for us girls..
so alot of steps look identical.. or simliar..

so i guess it looks like we copied them..

i understand how they feel- i mean, this is the SEC 3S dance, the dance they put so much effort to make it what it is..
and here are the SEC 2s, doing the same genre and simlilar steps.
i dont blame them for the part which they said we copied them..
cause im looking at it from their POV.

however.. the sexual part was.. uncalled for.
the sec 3s dance is damned HOT, and includes much more 'sexuality' than the sec twos.
they definately can shake much more and better than us..
because im such a hopeless case at dancing sometimes.

its just how people like to bring each other down just to be the winner..
but there will be no winner.. because we are all a part of dance club- and whatever achievements we make, its for DANCE CLUB, and for TKGS.

is this the way dance club should be? being selfish.. gossiping.. bringing others down.. biased.. wanting to win SO much?
IS THIS HOW EVERYONE WANTS DANCE CLUB TO BE? SOME FREAKING COMPETITION BETWEEN THE SECONDARY LEVELS? WANTING TO BE THE BEST?

WE DO NOT DANCE FOR THE FAME OR GLORY.. WE SHOULD DANCE BECAUSE WE HAVE A PASSION FOR PERFORMING.. DOES WHAT WE ALL ARE DOING POTRAY THAT PERFECT IMAGE OF A DANCER? WHAT WE ARE DOING NOW.. ITS LIKE.. WHAT? SHOWING OFF YOUR FLEXIBILITY.. OR THE UNIQUE STYLE OF DANCING? OR THE WAY YOU KNOW YOUR DANCING IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN OTHERS? AND CRITICISING ONEANOTHER BEHIND BACKS..

i told you- im sorry if i offend anyone.. but this is getting out of hand.
if no one does anything about this- i will try.
i want to put our dance on hold.. think of soemthing really different..
another genre maybe..

i dont want this kind of shit to happen in dance club..
especially when our performance is what, next monday?
do you think this will bring our morale up or something?
to know that the people who smile at you actually talk behind your back..

infact- the particular person who said something abotu our dance..
was never the girl i expected.. that girl is.. kind, caring, decisive.. but blunt, honest, down to earth.. yet instead of telling us in our face.. she went telling it to some other person..
i really love her as a senior.. most of the tkgs dancers are like sisters to me.. we all laugh and do funky dances together..
and this is happening..
it really sucks. and we still have a dance commitee to nominate to take over the sec fours..

like amelia said- this year for dance club is quite hopeless..
as in the commitee. O_O

i really wna go out alone on friday again.
go somewhere to scream.. havent done that in qutie a while.
=.=
and there's school as well..
my results are horrible.. i can predict my report card.
Cs, Ds, Bs and only a couple of As (if any at all.)

ahh. just cant stop thinking about dance.
hmph. its getting a teeny bit outta hand.

since ive just got back my com..
im reading all my emails..
its ridiculous.. how many emails ive got.
O_O
half on them are chain letters which say that if i pass them on, my crush or boyfriend or whatever (there are many variations you see..) will ask me out..
and thats pathetic. you depend on a CHAINMAIL just to get a date?
hmph..
stuff like these:
>Tonight at midnight your true love will realize they like you.
>Something good will happen to you at 1:00-4:00pm tomorrow,it could be
>anywhere aol, msn, yahoo, outside of school, anywhere. get ready for the
>biggest shock of your life.
>If youbreak this chain letter you will be cursed with 10 relationship
>problems for the next ten years.
.....

i wna watch a movie. NOW. impossible.. but its been SO LONG since i last caught a movie..
and my mum didnt take me to see TAKE THE LEAD..
i think she forgot..
ahhh. oh well..

ines says hi.. she just came up to deliver a kitkat to me. haha.
she knows i like kitkat.
but i'll grow fat eating it.. O_O

and there was this disagreement during class..
on the new seating arrangement plan..
i guess nothing is ever fair to everyone..
we have to give and take sometimes..
thats a reality.
and nothign we do can change that..
so i advise to either object violently and get everyone to agree on what you want..
or accept your destiny. O_O

talking about unfairness..
it sucks because i'll never have what i want.. it will probably not be given to me.. given to some other girl.. and looks like i cant do anything but sit there and watch.. and realise how helpless i am.

many people have taken a liking to read my blog and my notebook..
which is a TEEENY bit confidential..
but heck- if they wna read then read lors.
is my notebook really that nice to read?
it just contains ranthings and random things that i happen to write down.
O_O
and my blog entries are super long..
you must have time to actually READ.
and many people love to read from where they left off..
and find it a great chore to read all the way until the present..
bcus i write so bloody much.
and its mostly crap.

saw nazurah and her boyfriend at the bus stop today...
hohoho. i wish them happiness..
i think nazurah needs to have someone there for her..
since shes not on great terms with her family..
and her results are as bad as mine..
i made her assure me she knows what shes doing though..
haha. shes only fourteen and shes gone damned far with guys..
or at least further than anyone else in the class.
O_O

ah. better go off and do my stuff..
im like slacking...

spending my recess on the computer again..
having home ec later-
and i just found out this morning that we have a test.
i was like OMG..
cause i wasnt here for last week's class..
and no one actually reminded me.

sad. studied in class.
on food addictives and blablabla.

and maths after that..
argh. graphs and lousy curve rulers.

today's the last day of mid years for my brother..
and my other friends.
so..
CONGRATS ON LIVING THROUGH HELL-ISH MID YEARS.

thank god only the sec fours in our school have mid years.

fatimah isnt here with me today..
no one from my class is actually O_O.
just now had to present stuff during science...
my group was doing MYTHS ON AIDS.
and we talked about it only happening to gay people and stuff.
it included stuff like using PROTECTION and prostitutes.
weird MYTHS i guess.

and MR CHIA took over our science class..
dont know what happened to mrs ang-
but mr chia is the forever smiling botox guy.
and he has the perv look..
and he was looking at me alot throughout the lesson..
it was just stupid. so i diverted my attention to poor chiali.. who was sitting beside me.. and just talked and talked and talked.
but i believe mr chia isnt evil by nature since he's a teacher.
O_O

having dance later..
REHEARSAL. and i didnt bring my costume..
bcus i was lazy.. and its heavy.
and i had to bring the shoes though..
and the shoes are damned heavy.
hmph.

theres a rehearsal on thursday..
as much as i want to go out alone AGAIN.
but hell no, this performance is keeping me from going.
and i cant PON- bcus im the lead character.
duh. its awfully pressurising.

so ill probably go out on vesak day-
heck what my parents say.
besides, im gonna get my mum a mothers day present on vesak day..
so she had better allow me to go out.

yesterday...
met td at his house bus stop.
he was LATE- as usual.
and im quite used to waiting. hmph.
then went to eat.. since he didnt have his lunch yet.
then went to punggol beach and sat at the jetty staircase..
there were ALOT ALOT of birds.
and we saw this bird who shit-ted quite close to us.
and i was freakin out..

then td spotted eugene and nick ariving at the beach..
and then he smsed them..
then eugene shouted " WHERE THE F**K ARE YOU "
in a PUBLIC PLACE. wlau.
haha. then he replied and we just continued to sit ther.

I WAS SO DAMNED THIRSTY. WAS DYING.
THEN HE ASKED ME TO GO DRINK SEAWATER.
WLAU EH- I WOULD DEHYDRATE IF I DID THAT.
AND BESIDES, THE SEA WAS SO DIRTY.
so much for a cold joke. O_O

then when we were leaving..
i wanted to go to the other side of the beach and say hi to nick and eugene..
but td was like 'oh okay lor. you go alone.'
O_O. so i didnt go..
and then when the bus came..
he suddenly received this message and asked me along to go and meet the two of them.
WTF.

AND OH YEAH
SAW THIS FAT DEAD SNAKE AT THE BEACH.
ITS HEAD WAS MOSTLY BIODEGRADED.
AND THERE WERE FLIES. MANY MANY FLIES.
AND I FREAKED OUT AND DIDNT WANT TO WALK PAST IT.
but he just went ahead and left me standing ther..
so obviously i ran past the snake.. O_O

then sat there and listened to nick and eugene playing the guitar..
they were figuring out the strumming pattern for a relient k song i think.
be my escape? and another song.

we left at six something..
bcus i was really thirsty. bleahs.

and then.. the sick part.
nick went and took this bottle and moved the dead snake..
and underneath it was a whole load of maggots.
i didnt really look..
and just walked off first-
it was SICK. like yellow crawling thingys on the snake.
POOR SNAKE.

yeah. so i walked off without them.
and then the bus was coming..
so i asked them to hurry up.
but just as they came.. the bus began to leave.
and then nick shouted : JIBAI.
and then the bus stopped. O_O

went to this pasar malam we spotted on the way to the beach.
OMG SAW THIS REALLY BIG CHICKEN DRUMSTICK.
and it looked SHIOK.
and then nick bought it and started to eat it right in front of my face..
so i was: okay noelle.. resist temptation or you will grow fat..
weird.

bought a coke and walked around..
there were alot of cute stuff for kids.
and pirated watches and bla.

and there was this rack of SKIRTS..
omg i wanted to buy lar.
and then didnt.. savin $$.
and besides i was fifty bucks poorer.
cause i had to pay for the tickets FIRST.
td's, wq's, mum's, dad's and shaun's.
AHH. pissed.

skipped a few parts.. but im running out of time.

went home.. the 62 bus took so long to come.
reached home 745 or something.

helped shaun with his eldds tshirt design..
and hes claiming all the credit for it.
jerk... and there he was using MY computer.
and refusing my advice and scolded me somemore.
O_O. minor scoldings only.. so its okay i guess.

gotta head to class then go for home ec...
its going to be a long day..

YO.
im freakin out..
THERE IS CHINESE PAPER FIRST PERIOD.
AND I CANT RMB ANYTHING..
okay. okay fatimah wants to use.
CYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

in com lab for english..
and everyone doesnt know what we're supposed to do..
so everyone ended up doing their own stuff..
and i see faith and sook yee looking at some weird maplestory screenshots on this website.
THAT IS WAY WEIRD.

feeling awfully miserable after reading someone's blog..
honestly people- its just our mindset..
we should just change it.

and please-
just accept whatever's coming your way.
*i should honestly listen to my own advice.
and just accept that certain things will never belong to me..

syafiqah just said that my blog was so long..
and it was like im pouring out my entire life into it.
but im not.. there are always things i cant put up on my blog..
and im not even truthful to myself, let alone truthful to what i blog.

but i will never run out of thigns to say, actually..
i WILL run out of things to blog though..
bcus the're always emotions running through me..
and there are many reasons why my mood is the way it is.
and many other reasons why i am the way i am.

syafiqah also says im depressed.
and asks if im okay.
shes cute..

mdm azizan's probably reading my formal letter i rushed out last night..

but everything i blog doesnt seem interesting.
as stated by SOME PEOPLE.
so maybe i should like STOP BLOGGING.
and i'll be this weird, depressed and extremely quiet FREAK.

O_O

maybe i should.. maybe.
and stop letting what i blog affect others..

FYI PEOPLE.
YOU DONT NEED TO WEAR SCH UNIFORM FOR THE DANCE PERFORMANCE.
BLOODY HELL- ITS AT VICTORIA THEATRE-
A PUBLIC PLACE.
what kind of weird question is that.. O_O
just wear whatever you want lah.
imagine the whole school going in school uniform.
siao.

i think im going to punggol beach later..
havent been there in like.. 2 weeks?
*just gave fatimah a slap bcus she went on fanfiction-
and she told me to slap her if she did..
so i gave her a really pathetic slap*
so yeah.
i think i'll go and sit there the whole afternoon alone.
i dont think im going home first..
just going in my school uniform.

im really tired..
was dancing until eight plus yesterday.
reach home ten plus..
still had to do english.. then went to bed LATE.
and im still trying to be friggin hyper today.

*YES FATIMAH- I KNOW THAT ITS LOSER-ISH AND STUFF..
JUST DONT SAY IT IN FRONT OF ME CAUSE I GET EASILY AFFECTED WHEN IT COMES TO THESE KINDA THINGS. and dont go around announcing it either. O_O*

hmph.

sorry- but i HAVE to rant about the performance..
she re-did many of MY scenes yesterday..
and i was expected to CHANGE imeediately-
which i did.. but it was draining.
its draining to perform.. except dancing of course.
i would rather do a dance solo than do this.
i cant imagine EVERYONE sitting in the audience..
and LOOKING at ME..
bcus ive never ever done anything like this before..
and i dont really have confidence in myself for this..
ive never SOLO-ED a MIME.
DANCING IS TONNES EASIER.
AHHHHHHHHHHHH.
and i was angry at myself last night..
couldnt dance properly.
was losing my balance and all.
WHY THE F DO I GET TIRED SO EASILY.
IT WASNT THIS HARD LAST TIME..
LIKE ONE YEAR AGO?
I JUST HATE THE WAY MY BODY SWITCHES OFF.

its scary.. when everyone's expecting so much.
and you can only offer and assure so little.

and im still banned from the internet..
so spending my recess surfing is my only resort.
and that means SKIPPING RECESS.
which means NOT EATING, SAVING MONEY AND NOT GROWING FAT.
which is good..
..fatimah interrupts..
IF YOU'RE FAT, THEN I'M OBESE LOR!!!
Grrrrr
..end interruption...
i just need to have a less distractions.
and more ENDURANCE.
so that i wont end up stuffing myself..
and bingeing later.

i think its high time i went on a BREAK.
like SERIOUSLY.
i think im forcing myself too much sometimes..
or its OTHERS forcing me.

must endure. MUST.
i dont care if i sustain an injury or anything..
but i MUST force myself to do this.
for the sake of this bloody performance.
besides- i get so easily injured nowadays..
it doesnt really make a difference.
just more pain. but no pain no gain. O_O
I WANT A MASSAGING CHAIR...BOO.
I SHOULD INVEST IN ONE.

and im seeing depressed souls worse than myself..
so i feel extremely guilty of ignoring their feelings.
and COMPLAINING so much.

and people-
NOELLE HAS DECIDED TO KEEP HER HAIR LONG.

yeah. that was random..
but ive been askign people whether to cut short or leave long..
and even though majority said CUT SHORT when i showed them my pic..
i dont care- and im growing it long..

i can keep dreaming if i still want my guitar..
think of the COURSE FEES. and the guitar. O_O
and im most probably forking out the cash by myself..
even though its ENRICHMENT-
and parents are usually supposed to pay.
i think i'll go for a course in june or something.

yesterday's guitar lesson was horrible..
bcus i couldnt play ANYTHING.
NOTHING. ive never been more pissed at myself than yesterday..

and i HATE THIS BLOGSKIN AND CANT WAIT TO GET MY INTERNET BACK.
ill change it once i do..
i HOPE i can get the internet back by this week..
since shaun's exams finish on thursday..
no- it actually finishes on wednesday. O_O
and vesak day will be.. boring..
i WANT to go out.. and have fun.
but my parents probably will say-
NOELLE YOUVE ALREADY GONE OUT ONCE THIS MONTH.
which i find highly ridiculous..
but in the end ill end up stoning on my bed again.
ONCE A MONTH IS JUST WEIRD.
i dont care. if they dont allow then ill just stay at home and become a dull jane.
and ill skip all meals in an attempt to diet.
maybe i should really try that on friday. O_O

okay.
okay. i think ive blabbed enough..
*btw- this world can be so devoid of love sometimes..*
BYEEEEEEEEEEEE.

ARGH. THIS SUCKS.
MRS TAN DOESNT HAVE MY GEOGRAPHY ONLINE CA WHICH IS TWENTY PERCENT OF THE TOTAL CA MARKS.
AND I SWEAR, SWEAR TO MYSELF, THAT I DID HAND IT UP.

fatimah here.. lols
bad time to interrupt but, WHATEVER
lols
cheer up noelle
you depressing freak you.

erm. ITS NOELLE AGAIN.
YEAH IM PISSED. VERY.
AND SHES GIVING ME A ZERO.
A FCKING ZERO.
AND I WANT TO DO GEOGRAPHY FOR O LEVELS..
AND THIS IS GONNA AFFECT MY ALL ALONG QUITE OKAY GEOGRAPHY GRADE.
AND MY OTHER CA FOR THIS TERM ONLY GOT 24/30.
WHICH IS VERY BAD. ARGH IM PISSED.

im in the com lab now..
ate nothing for recess. haha.
erm. erm. erm.
yesterday was crap.. cause mum didnt let me go on the computer..
but again its my fault, bcus i stoned in my room and didnt ask her.
yeah. so i was PRETTY quiet the whole weekend.
this morning.. saw my phone which was plugged to my charger which was plugged into the socket..
and there was this sms by my mum.
sayin: hope you will not let me down again. luv mum.
and i suddenly felt a pang of guilt for not being grateful enough.
and not counting my many.. can i call them blessings?

so thanks mum. thanks.

okay. other than that my day has been crap.
a typical MONDAY day.
which consists of SCHOOL, DANCE and BALLET.
hmph. tiring.

good thing theres music the period after the period after recess..
which means GUITAR LESSON.
but please mr alvin ong- stop comparing me to my mum in front of the whole class.
O_O

shaun's talking behind my back in his blog.
saying that i nag alot.
which is probably true-
but i dont like to admit it.
its making me feel way old.
BE GRATEFUL THAT YOU HAVE A SISTER THAT ACTUALLY CARES LOR.

oh. chunxi and fatimah just had a debate on cai miao..
cause CX likes CM, and fatimah took a really LESBIANISH pic with CM.
but fatimah's straight- honest.
and CX was just saying that fatimah teases her (CX) bcus she (FATIMAH) was jealous.
HAHAHA. please lah- the caimiao that i know will never like CX.
even though CM is a big flirt and has asked me alot of times jokingly to be her GF.
LOL. CM IS A DESPO. but she rocks la.
BUT CM IS NOT LESBIAN- HONEST TOO.
besides CX just trying to deny her true feelings.. haha.
so when CX walked off- fatimah shouted 'LOSER' across the lab.
and i was joining. haha.
what a bunch of jokers.
fatimah rocks. erm. in some ways..

my hands are freezing now..
stupid air con.
and the air con makes fatimah want to pee.
how nicely down to earth and open she is. O_O
i can never be like that.

i think im gonna repair my phone or sth..
cause people keep calling me.
and my phone cant call or receive calls.


someone watch over me for the rest of my day..