eh, dad and i are obsessed over the stupid CONDOR HEROES show on channel U.
and tonight, they stopped the episode at the CLIMAX.
it was a fighting scene some more okayO_O
like they were in the middle of executing some skill, AND IT STOPPED.
@_@ like, wow.
but, China productions are getting better:D

sold flags today.
nothing much to say about it,
just saw some really weird people, really nice people, and really assholic people.
and spent the last two hours or so shopping.
window-shopping, rather.
bought only a pair of earrings for school and..
something secret between me and amanda!
it was a totally mindblowing (in the wrong sense) experience being in such a shop, looking through such things, in our school uniform and holding donation tin cans.

i just noticed that my kitten sticks its but high in the air and wiggles it before pouncing on something.. how peculiar.

i guess i was looking for trouble when i went blogsurfing last night.
reading those archives really made me feel..

heartless.

and blind to others.
i wasn't blind though, i was fully aware of what was happening, just never fully aware of its impact and severity, the pain involved and the crying behind closed doors.
reading those words made me tear.
i mean, i KNEW, but i didn't know.
well now, it doesn't matter anymore does it?
we've all moved on, forgeting what we felt, heard, cried about and smiled at.

and all along, this happened cause i was selfish,
cause i had my focus only on one person,
cause i chose to ignore, to pretend that it wasn't anything to be affected by.
now, i don't think anyone regrets it, you're both happy- with some other person, of course.

i can only feel guilty, and apologise if this is read.
i don't regret my choice, being 'heartless' brought so many changes in my life,
and i'm happy now, spending my time with the right person,
not letting my months of rollercoaster rides go to waste.

this happiness is a true one, for along with it comes so much pain and sadness,
but i'll gladly take it all on.

i can't expect to be treated nicely 24/7 after all, cause no one is that perfect:
sensitive, pleasing, confident, kind and pure.
i'll just accept things as they are, near perfection:D
along with a 'sianz' face and a hot body figure to be jealous of:P
@_@

my results suck really big time.
so big it fills up the whole room and you can't see the ceiling.
i need to buck harder up. and study even more.
I'VE STUDIED ALOT OKAY, but my results are still.. like that=_=

tomorrow i'm spending my day selling flags:)
with amada, abigal, and dabhne choo!
:P
from 0830 to 1500 (6.5hrs of CIP)
hope we end up off-task and shopping around somewhere.
heh.

OHYA, my mum's getting us to go to a photo studio on sunday,
and she has requested for me to go in a tutu?
GOSH. imagine nice ballet shots.. done by noelle. puke.
well, i told shaun to bring his bass guitar, so we'll go there and probably do some cool shots.
we're getting maked up (dad and shaun included, HAH) and our hair done, and we can borrow their costumes!
wonder what costumes though.
a bunny suit for ines? a superman outfit for shaun? a frenchmaid costume for me?
NO WAY MAN.
can't wait to finally get our family portrait done professionally- we've been holding it off for a few years now.
i'm glad mum's glad.


after i've got all that off my mind, i'm ready to be un-emo:)

well, the school changed the programme name to:
LOCAL Leadership Training.
which explains everything.
it's not even PULAU UBIN, its along some road IN SINGAPORE.
oh man!
and alot of people from my class are going:D
plus gnatasha (VERY obviously)

i just hope they don't group us according to preforming arts, sports, uniformed groups and service boards.
it's gonna be a little boring if that happened.
i want my aisyahzakaria with me throughout the whole camp:D
so therefore, dance should be with basketball and maybe some other cca.
but NOT the prefectorial board, oh no.

i don't really have problems with the PB, but it's gonna be a little awkward with all the future headprefects and exco people. REALLY awkward.

sneaked into the literature screening today.
sneaked cause im not a lit student of any sort, sadly.
they played THE JOY LUCK CLUB.
and boy, was that 'adult scene' really horny or whatO_O
although earlier notice was given, i believe everyone there made some noise bout it.
hah.
left halfway for dance.

our swan lake production is starting out smooth, and we'll have until the 22nd august to perfect it.
ms chiam is gonna call for ALOT of practices, and i'll be screwed then.

i'm tired. physically, mentally, and very much emotionally.
and besides, the most important reason is the one that you won't find out. &pester me all you want- i'm never going to spill it.
i've completely lost my stamina and strength, and i shall start training from (more or less) scratch. ballet wears me out ALOT.
and it made alot of veins and arteries pop out on my thigh. scary looking ones.

*speaking of my body, i found stretch marks on my leg. gross.
found also MANY red spots. itchy things which i have no clue as to their identity. it kinda started spreading from my neck, to almost everywhere else.*

i guess many things bring me happiness,
but they bring also sadness.
i don't have to explain, i guess my emo fits are pretty obvious.
for various reasons as well.
ugh. i'm not catching any emobug:)

THANKYOU:)
and i can't help staring, but i can't only keep staring