i guess i was looking for trouble when i went blogsurfing last night.
reading those archives really made me feel..

heartless.

and blind to others.
i wasn't blind though, i was fully aware of what was happening, just never fully aware of its impact and severity, the pain involved and the crying behind closed doors.
reading those words made me tear.
i mean, i KNEW, but i didn't know.
well now, it doesn't matter anymore does it?
we've all moved on, forgeting what we felt, heard, cried about and smiled at.

and all along, this happened cause i was selfish,
cause i had my focus only on one person,
cause i chose to ignore, to pretend that it wasn't anything to be affected by.
now, i don't think anyone regrets it, you're both happy- with some other person, of course.

i can only feel guilty, and apologise if this is read.
i don't regret my choice, being 'heartless' brought so many changes in my life,
and i'm happy now, spending my time with the right person,
not letting my months of rollercoaster rides go to waste.

this happiness is a true one, for along with it comes so much pain and sadness,
but i'll gladly take it all on.

i can't expect to be treated nicely 24/7 after all, cause no one is that perfect:
sensitive, pleasing, confident, kind and pure.
i'll just accept things as they are, near perfection:D
along with a 'sianz' face and a hot body figure to be jealous of:P
@_@

my results suck really big time.
so big it fills up the whole room and you can't see the ceiling.
i need to buck harder up. and study even more.
I'VE STUDIED ALOT OKAY, but my results are still.. like that=_=

tomorrow i'm spending my day selling flags:)
with amada, abigal, and dabhne choo!
:P
from 0830 to 1500 (6.5hrs of CIP)
hope we end up off-task and shopping around somewhere.
heh.

OHYA, my mum's getting us to go to a photo studio on sunday,
and she has requested for me to go in a tutu?
GOSH. imagine nice ballet shots.. done by noelle. puke.
well, i told shaun to bring his bass guitar, so we'll go there and probably do some cool shots.
we're getting maked up (dad and shaun included, HAH) and our hair done, and we can borrow their costumes!
wonder what costumes though.
a bunny suit for ines? a superman outfit for shaun? a frenchmaid costume for me?
NO WAY MAN.
can't wait to finally get our family portrait done professionally- we've been holding it off for a few years now.
i'm glad mum's glad.


after i've got all that off my mind, i'm ready to be un-emo:)