one week break to set everything right.
one week to forget your face, and one week to stop distracting myself with thoughts of you.

what good is one week when it already has taken a year?
you're not so good. you're in fact, overboard sometimes.
liar liar pants on fire.

just came home from grandma's place. and i absolutely loveeee her cooking. can't live without it(:
realised that i dressed as though i was going to the National Day parade today. a red sweater, beige (very light) shorts and a white belt. took me some time to notice.
craving for: donuts and starbucks at a cosy cafe.


Mcfly - The Heart Never Lies.
Some people laugh, some people cry
Some people live, some people die

Some people run, right into the fire
And some people hide their every desire

But we are the lovers
If you don't believe me
Then just look into my eyes
'Cause the heart never lies

Some people fight, some people fall
Others pretend they don't care at all
If you wanna fight, I'll stand right beside you
The day that you fall, I'll be right behind you

To pick up the pieces
If you don't believe me
Just look into my eyes
'Cause the heart never lies

Another year over, and we're still together
It's not always easy, but I'm here forever

Yes, we are the lovers
I know you believe me
When you look into my eyes
'Cause the heart never lies
Because the heart never lies.

Guess what?
I was bored. I am bored.

Welcome to my new-and-improved blog. Well, technically, it's just the blogskin.
But, image plays a very important role in everything. So hopefully it's a form of advertisment and most importantly, an impetus for me to blog.
I'm a very visual person.

so everyone's working today and i'm babysitting ines. who's still on the tv after maybe like 5 hours. kids these days.
you must be envious of all the free time i have. right.
decided to check out heymath, (Wow.) and the lessons were just okay. they use such ugly characters though. but it's okay, it seems like a pretty easy chapter.

i'm procrastinating today.
will get down to mugging on monday hopefully, cause i'm hooked onto this drama.
of which the last two episodes haven't been uploaded so i'm suffering from some sideffects which summarised gives you: NO MOTIVATION.
to do anything else but wait. haha. how pathetic.

shaun's gonna be really happy since he's getting his laptop this weekend, and good news for me since it means no more haggling over the comp. but nowadays he's quite cooperative so it's not so bad. i think i'm the spoilsport.

i'm so totally looking forward to catching step up 2 the streets!
it's coming out on thursday(: but i somehow get the feeling that alisha's gonna pangseh me, so just in case, if anyone's free, let's go(: my intuition's pretty strong when it comes to her.

i need to head down to the beach one of these days.
and eat satay and drink sugarcane juice at the hawker centre.
even out my tan. and get blown away by the wind.
relaxation. it's what we need now.

my inner peace has long ceased to exist.
every day's a struggle for sanity in my brain. and an internal war of emotions in my heart.


Monotonous day, isn't it?

i lost my temper today.
for the first time in about a year.

i'm kinda disgusted with myself cause i trust that i can control my emotions. and keep level-headed and not throw myself on an immature roller-coaster ride screaming hate.
hah. i'm not that good after all.

as you probably know, we have this habit of playing netball every recess.
and it feels great cause it's our thing and everyone has fun ya know?
well. today the badminton people joined us first, before the softballers. and after like 5 minutes of playing alot more came. so they were trying to sort it out, who plays where and whatnot,
for a good ten minutes. it wasn't so bad then, nadiah just got pissed first and told me to get the ball back from them. it was really awkward but i could understand so yeah.
ah, shit. i thought she'll be angry with me but decided not to be a pushover.
(and her friends as well, duh.)

bad mistake. well, if i didn't do it, someone else had to pick the shit right?
aisyah got pissed too, and then soon i got pissed. i guess it was just really annoying that people come in and interrupt and stand there as though it's a market. their market.
didn't want to play positions, fine. want to play 20 people against us 8, fine. but i couldn't stand them coming in and assuming authority you know? show some respect for the dear owner of the ball, of the people who bother to shift the poles, and for the people who allowed everyone to come and share the fun. damn it.

on the last day of the term, where we just wanna have fun. high stress levels. urgh.
so somehow, in the midst of negotiation, we brushed off the 4/2 people even and just started playing our own game. it was terrible, cause every second i could feel their stares, and even though it was a distance away i could hear their bitching.
i must've looked pretty darn pissed. i tried to hold in the vulgar but bits and piece came out.

so at the very last minute (literally), the 4/2 girls joined in for a while. and it was kinda fun actually. they felt bad for pissing us off although there's no reason for that, and i felt badder. for being a total bitch today. maybe someone's face just pissed me off more.
urgh. this is obscenely shallow. i don't wish to be that way.
i'm not like that. i hardly lose it. it was just your misfortune to witness it today.
well, i just hope you understand.
it's not their fault, but neither is it ours. the atmosphere just was way off.

some ties run so thin that something as simple as maybe not returning a smile would break it.
now i see that we're from two different worlds. you with your people, and mine with my obstinate friendships. go ahead and have your fun. i'll learn to keep it to myself soon.
although you already fill mine, i'll never even fit in your world. with the parties, the liveliness, the abundant gaiety. don't you worry, i've found out for myself why you'll never cast a glance this way. is this your greatest flaw? insensitivity. maybe. you're so cruel.

What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here.

well. since the long awaited holidays are here,
my plans are to study. yes. totally boring but i know i must. or risk failing midyears.
i'll probably go to some library and mug there the whole day cause i know i'll get nothing done in my own room. my weekends are dedicated to babysitting ines since everyone's going out.
dad's overseas, mum's working at the PC show, shaun's working too.
i kinda miss working at pc shows(: the weird guys, the skanky models, the nice people who would offer a drink, and most of all, the hype of it all. hate the crowd though.

not just at exhibits, i miss working altogether. the feeling of hard-earned money in your pockets, the feeling of exhilaration when you spend your first dollar on a well earned meal.
or even a simple present to yourself. that's the bestest(:
it's makes life more lively ya know? there's just this purpose, which makes it all work out.
ah, i sense the start of a workaholic. addicted to work and the money, yes.

have yet to finalise anything for next week, two days of tuition which i haven't confirmed,
and oh yes, steamboat at daphne khoo's place. haha. she's so steamboat crazed.
somehow, i just like get-togethers especially outside school. makes me feel that our friendship has more substance than a table tennis ball. and finally, something we plan actually gets done(:

but no matter what, i'll be free to you. and your whims, yes.
i don't break my promises. i keep them to the best of my ability unless i'm not given the chance to. which is the case now but holy, who cares. starbucks is the sex(:

Whatever makes you happy,
Whatever you want.

what shall we do about Dance?
if we can't do anything, let's at least make it memorable. with a really good performance.
just by ourselves, and just for those who want to see something real from us cause it's gonna be a long while till we produce something good again. but somehow, i get the feeling that i'm alone in this. reality calls. he tells me that i'm being unrealistic with my big ideas. and that it can't be done with this situation. because we're so cornered by the school already. i know so.
optimism is a blessing from above. with it, everything seems so much brighter.
i'm envious.

decided not to go watch netball finals today.
simply because i wasn't in the mood. so what if she's playing?
it's not her i care about. that's the truth. and don't doubt me anymore. (:
i've learnt that none of them actually matter. no matter how cool, how charming, how attractive, cause no one can compare.
sick of compliments already? i haven't even told you half of them. you're the bomb.
you're nowhere near perfect, but the fact that you're you makes up for everything.

unrequited love.
why, i never knew it was so miserable.

When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in the eye,
You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry;

I would never want to let go of you.
I'm intoxicated by your seemingly innocent charms.
The simple ease with which you say everything unsettles me,so give me just one chance and i'll take you away. Who wouldn't want a being like you?
You have so much confidence, but also ignorance. And the humility to admit your flaws. (maybe too much) I'll give you every single particle i'm made of, if only you would accept it.
I'm tired of lying to myself. I'll admit everything if you want me to.
If i'm going to hell, let's go together.

Dance Club.
What are we becoming?

sick of starting sentences with capital letters.
so, we had dance today with the juniors. and i'm not so proud to say that we're losing alot of talent. we can be so full of promise but it's really really not showing.
our corner-to-corner exercises have been chopped to half the original's,
and it's not even three quarters as taxing, because we're afraid they cannot handle it.
Pah.
i believe more in drilling but the seniors themselves are like:
Oh no! We can't do this! I can't do left side!

shoot me with a gun if i have to see the downfall of our club.
i'm trying hard too. i'll publicly say that i can't do a straight split anymore and i'm forcing myself like nuts during practice. and that i have terribly weak stomach muscles.
at least, at least i don't complain. i shut up and work it out.

there. the effects of quitting dance. don't bother rubbing it in please.
it sucks badly enough.

Nat's trying to make me guess my present.
believe it or not, it's my birthday present.
which means it's three months overdue. haha. so yeah. she's saying "AHA!" to anything i guess.
she expects to to think that i can guess it by telling me
1. she put it in a gay seiyu bag to disguise it.
2. it can fit into a gay seiyu bag.
3. she may have put it in a shoebox to make it seem bigger.

please, holy saints, please tell me how this helps=_=
she's still undoubtedly my moodlifter(: haha.

decided to go for tuition today so that i'll have the rest of the week off.
(: so yeah, if anyone wants to go out, i'm freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
haha. wth. anyway,
tuition was okay. got scolded by mr siow and now he doesn't like me anymore. ah well. but he has bad moodswings so i suppose it'll fade away soon. they were having this huge ACS vs SJI thing going on, occasionally throwing random insults at VS and RI.
boys. haha. it's very entertaining though.

i have issues with focusing during tuition. my attention is clearly somewhere else.
not even in my food. which upsets alot of people but i'll be cruel and turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to them.
eye contact can be so powerful.

we're having this crazy netball fever. every recess we play, resulting in hungry people.
but it's really fun with the softballers actually.
it's just funny with the 4/2 people. not so much kick. i'm sorry, i play more for the enjoyment than the exercise. haha.
we just happen to be sore losers.

since i'm drop-dead tired, (haha, did anyone think gorgeous?)
i'll go catch some shut-eye.

her, her, her, her and only her.
i'm slowly losing my cool. and my sanity.

You're working wonders on me.
Making me so damned happy over a single praise. I'm afraid I can't keep it to myself much longer. But I don't want you to stop, at all.
You're scaring me so bad.

False hope. Again. You, my dearest friend, have no idea.
I must be the greatest fool to even hope that something might actually come out of this.
I want to scream your name out so desperately.

Stop being so selfish.

Class was cancelled this morning.
Pffffft. And there I was, all dressed and ready to go when i received the message.
I was wearing my leo and tights inside plus make-up and all.
So i went back up, changed out and went back to sleep.
):
Make-up's become quite a habit to me. Everywhere apart from school, you see some on. It's cause we hardly have to chance to dress up and go out often nowadays. So i snatch every opportunity(:

Ahma says that I have to learn how to do 'everything' before I get married out.
I was chopping up the ginger and asked her a whole lot of questions.
But I mean, at least I can do alot of stuff. Look at other girls- they can't even fry rice, nor bake potota gratins or cheesecakes, or steam fish, or even fry an egg without squealing.
Even for biology SPA, not many could cut equal sized potato strips? Lol.
Heh heh. So I pride myself on my homekeeping skills.
My future husband better thank his lucky stars.

But Ahma probably still thinks i'm lousy. Lol.

But for one, I can't fry fish. The oil splatters out like rain during a storm. Sucks.

So we (mum, Ines and I) went out to parkway for tea and shopping.
I got Andrew's present and we got gu-gu's present(:
Gu-gu: it's v.v.v.v.v nice. We spent alot of time choosing!
Mum laughed over alot of things. She's never been in those shops at the basement.
You know all the gift shops with funny stuff like spaghetti twirler forks and "Law of Straightness" pencil cases? Yeah, those. She laughed over some doorknob signs. Said she should give some to her clients and hang some on her office door. Oh my. She's becoming like me!

I'm a good supermarket-shopper(:
I can pick out vegetables and fish, and I shop smartly.
Mum has this "my kids MUST be independent" mindset, so since young I've been trained to do such things. I remember mum forcing me to order everyone's meal from Macs when I was only six. It was freaking scary. And she makes me peel raw prawns (oh man): ) and the like.
But it helps. I mean, look at me(:
Haha. Self-ego boosting sessions.
Confidence can be faked. Until it looks so real that it becomes real. Just in case you're wondering why I appear so thick-skinned.

You tell yourself: I can look confident. It's not that hard.
You look confident.
Then you think: I'm confident that i'm looking confident,
And it stays. Brilliant? :D

And that's my goal for myself this year. Although it's already March.
I shan't be envious of anyone. I'll just be thankful that i'm this way.
With fats, pimples and missing a figure. Haha.
Eh, at least i'm not like a bamboo stick. It'll be gross to hug someone and feel just bones.

Speaking of that, our sex hormones are steroids.
Which mean that they are fat-based. If you lack fats, you can be infertile.
Biology 101.
I remember Mr Peh saying something as well.
I know quite a few people who don't mind becoming forensic scientists. Thanks to CSI.
Here's something to freak y'all out.
To tell the exact time of a person's death, you actually have to extract out the aqueous humor (if i remember correctly). Fyi, it's the part of your eyeball that's just beneath your cornea.
It's a liquid that refracts light to hit a certain spot in your eyeball. So the process suggests a needled syringe, poking right into your pupil and drawing out that liquid. It could be worse actually. What if the eyeball isn't facing upwards. Uh oh.

That's if I remember correctly. If its the vitreous humor, then it's the liquid that fills up your eyeball. It's worse.
Can't imagine my eyeball being invaded and punctured after I die. Assuming i'm murdered or i die mysteriously enough. It's enough to deter me from investigating a corpse.
Just if the idea of slicing open your body and observing for the cause of death doesn't scare you enough. Eyeballs are just something I cannot study without cringing.
Poke poke.*

Okay. I probably need to stop grossing myself and everyone out.

I haven't even studied an inch for tmr's econ's test. A revision because Mdm Goh thinks that no one has got anything right in their heads. Scary.
And i'm quite scared of the debate tomorrow. But for the sake of appearing confident,
LET'S DO IT TMR(: GO US!

I realised that i've got to be more open-minded.
I've to accept that not everyone thinks like I do, or as maturely. I (at the moment) absolutely cannot stand anyone who thinks unrealistically, like about the absense of China scholars or perhaps owning a Lamborghini without the slightest tinge of effort. Like wow, money rains down from the sky and I can collect enough (say about a million bucks) to buy one.
Okay, exaggerrating but I hope you get my point. Doesn't anyone else get pissed off?
No wonder they say I grew up too quickly. But again, that's reality.
There'll always be someone better no matter how much we improve.
Once you accept that, you can probably move on much faster.
But seeing as we haven't entered the harsh working world,
Noelle Leow, please be more tolerent.


You're my favourite accident. Just that you don't know it yet.