ive changed my blog website on impulse.
i dont know why.
blame me if you want- nothing's gonna change anyway.
no difference actually.

listening to the song LOVE, ME by COLLIN RAYES.
i still feel MR ONG's version is much more EMOTIONAL AND TOUCHING.
YOU GO, MR ONG.
gosh, the lyrics are so bloody CLASSIC yet NICE.
im going off for ballet later..
so im just sitting in my chair and stoning while listening to songs.
im holding my guitar, but i dont know what to play on it.

i realised that ive lost contact with my primary school friends.
except for FAY, but i havent seen her in.. two months?
i guess everyone's moved on..
we all have each other on msn, but we run out of topics to talk about.
i reminise the days back in primary school.
where i was really HAVOC-ING and rebelling against teachers quite openly..
but i still got my 240.. although i felt i could have done much better for psle.
if only my life hadn't taken a turn in primary 4,
if only i was still as guai as i was when i was younger.
if only i didnt have to leave the more innocent part of my adolescence.

but things change, and people change. i just want everyone out there to know that i will be here, waiting to listen if anyone actually just lets it out.
*think WAKE ME UP WHEN SEPTEMBER ENDS by GREENDAY*

but the sad thing is.. i dont know if the separation between my primary school friends and me is a bad thing.
we are fickle..
we leave the old and join the new, and then when we look back and THINK, that's when it all occurs to me how heartless we humans can be.
all the promises made to have chalets, bbqs and just plain simply hanging out all seems to be forgetten now..
i dont know about everyone else, but i sure as hell havent forgotten them.
am i the only one who still cares?
am i the only one who hasnt moved totally into her secondary school life and buried the past?
no one from my primary school would actually read all this..
but i dont know, this is just how i feel, and im saying it out.

have i not made an effort to reach back out to others?

but maybe it's just me, for many girls of my old class went on to paya lebar methodist girls SECONDARY school, and maybe im just simply forgotten bcus im too out of reach in anotehr school.
and now that our dear form teacher has left, and our chinese teacher, none of us really make the effort to continue dutifully going back to paya lebar methodist girls primary.
it doesnt really help.
but i guess i should move on.
for even if we all manage to get back together one day,
everything we had between us in primary school would be lost.
time and change is so bloody beautiful but horrifying.
all this reality just smacked me in the face and im shaken.
*think LONG LONG AGO by i dont know who*
*speaking of this.. WE WERE SINGING 'NONG NONG AGO' BY THIS SINGAPORE IDOL CONTESTANT. ITS.. HILARIOUS. LIKE SINGING IT DOWN THE CORRIDOR, SINGING IT IN THE CLASSROOM. WHAT A BUNCH OF PSYCHOS. AND WE LAUGHED OUR HEADS OFF AFTER THAT.*

heartless us;

been pigging on sugar coated biscuits the whole afternoon.
i should just really go on a diet.

ive more or less given up on myself.
given up on my studies, given up on my attitude problems, given up on my habits, given up on my hopelessly weak body frame and all its issues.
ive tried to change it all, but its too tiring for me.
its easier to play dead than to live alive i guess.
as wonderful life is, it hurts alot.
it hurts when its just so friggin hard to stay happy.
the only things i havent given up on, is my passion for dance, my fetish for the guitar, and my friends.
so i have to plead you,
dont give up on me yet.
im still trying.
*think "YOU RAISE ME UP" by josh groban.*
*also think that MOULIN ROUGE song, i think its HOW WONDERFUL LIFE IS*

im turning a classic song freak.
like im listening to OLD songs,
but it all seems to inspirational.
and the people have great voices.
the lyrics make alot of sense, even though some are just plain dreaming for me.
and it all sounds corny to me, but im listening on.
its all bcus of guitar lessons where we do some classic songs,
and his singing just makes me wonder how the original songs sound like,
and i keep listening to them and here i am.

music is beautiful; yes. i totally agree.
without it, there would be no dance, without it, there would be no singers, no instruments, nothing on radios but talkshows, no beautiful lyrics.
with it, life goes on, the rhythm continues, almost every poem seems to have the extra beauty in it, almost every song sounds beautiful, everyone can just sit down and start thinking, every instrument is more valuable, not just blocks of weirdly shaped metal.

there i am, being emotional again.
it's not very becoming.

looking for more blogskins.
but i already have all the nice ones,
and i havent even used a quarter of them.
theyre just stored away in my folder,
and i pick the one to change to according to how i feel.
if not i just go download somemore.

if this was another day,
ill say im bored, for im really doing nothing but using the computer.
and its usually what im doing when i say im bored.
but today, its just different.
its a 360degree rollercoaster ride for my emotions today.
and thats why i feel like CHANGING MY BLOGSKIN.
oh gosh this is crazy,
i have a fetish for changing blogskins.
but now i promise to use a blogskin for at least three days before i change it..
so yeah. i think this is the third day,
and even if i wanna change it, i cant find anything to change to.

did i mention how i hate people to type like this?:
girl A : eUu hAD bETTer rEpLI mIIe H0RrXX..
LatER i dUn FrIIeN EuU w0rRX.
girl B: oKIe lAArX, t0M0R0 wAN g0 0UT aNoRT?
wEE g0 WaTCh a m0ViE bAArrx.
IT TAKES ME A HORRIBLY LONG TIME TO DECIPHER THIS KIND OF THING,
AND I KNOW ONE GIRL IN OUR CLASS WHO WILL ALWAYS BE LIKE THAT.
ITS SO ACBC LA.
(acbc can mean ACT CHIO BUI CHIO, or ACT COOL BUI COOL, or ACT CUTE BUI CUTE.)
(im not implying that im chio, or cool, or cute, WHICH IM CERTAINLY NOT (im looking uglier every year), and even if i were its horrible not to me modest especially when youre a girl. IM JUST SAYING..)
i think almost everyone knows who it is.
ITS JUST SO WEIRD, AND I CANT UNDERSTAND IT IF THEY CLAIM ITS THEIR STYLE.
BCUS THIS IS POSER AHLIAN STYLE IN SINGAPORE, IF YOU WANNA BE AN AHLIAN THEN BE ORIGINAL AND DO A GOOD JOB OF IT.
and i cant believe i nearly turned into an ahlian last year.
thank god for the quick riddance of that girl.
*think "STUPID GIRLS" by PINK.*

as i said earlier on up THERE,
im growing uglier by the year.
its like my eyebags are staying permanent,
and im growing fatter,
and im growing more unevenly toned.
gosh. i miss the old me when i used to go swimming so often that i was so nicely tanned.
THIS is outer beauty.
i cant rely on INNER BEAUTY, for, well, you all know im the biggest slacker there is, im rude, i rebel and i do all sorts of wrong stuff.. which i dont really feel like going into detail.
so "TRUE BEAUTY COMES FROM WITHIN" doesnt apply to me.
neither does "ITS THE INNER BEAUTY THAT MATTERS"
nor "BEAUTY IS ONLY SKIN DEEP"
so in other words, i am growing uglier by the year,
as ive said so twice earlier up in my blog,
and this is the third time.

the skys becoming dark,
its nicely gloomy, and its gonna rain soon.
i just hope it doesnt come when im leaving the house..
i like the gloomy weather, but i hate getting wet at the wrong times.
shall prepare for ballet later..


with each passing day, im becoming more sure that insanity is at the end for me.