I DIDNT GO FOR THE BIG WALK.
i was telling myself that i MUST go and EXERCISE or grow fat..
and i was sure i was gonna go..
until shaun said he wouldnt be going.
and somehow i lost whatever enthusiasm i had in the first place.

haix..
wont be able to go out today..
as much as i want to.
i need to go off to somewhere and chill.
BUT obviously, i can imagine my mum going: Oh, you've already gone out more than once this month blablabla.
WHATEVERR.
skip all the trouble of her nagging and just shut myself in my room and go insane.
she's really getting on my nerves.

i know the performance at neptune last night went great..
according to td, so i guess that's good.

my fingers hurt like hell.
its all gonna bleed soon.. but i stopped playing for a few minutes..
and its slowly going back to normal.
steel strings hurt.. much more than nylon ones.
but this is another stupid decision i made, to get a steel string guitar, so i have to stick with it and face whatever it may bring.
including bleeding fingers.
just like the other stupid decision of not going to NZ.
i hate me and my stupid decisions.
although i've said it alot of times..

i shall endure whatever pain comes to my body, and one day nothing will hurt anymore, since i will be more or less immune to it.

my typing is deproving.
hell.

i just realised that im quite hopeless at the guitar.
cant play much.. and a little pain makes me complain.
weak..

well. i have to say one thing.
i only LOVE six people in this world.
and i have to say this...
I LOVE YOU ASHLEY! WE SHALL ROCK ON AND GO DOWN IN HISTORY SOMEDAY.
ashley is this great girl who has been there for me since.. last year?
yup. she is GREAT. like she does have her own problems and all..
but her presence alone can brighten up other people's lives.
shes extrememly cute and funky, and her complaints are ONE OF A KIND.
i swear, anyone without this great a person in their lives is LOSING OUT.
shes just unbelievably cute.

and my aunty rocks just as much.
shes really UNDERSTANDING and all.
*unlike SOME people.
shes like my mentor. ((:
i will repay her someday, when i am worthy enough to do so, and i shall make sure shaun gives her back even more than what she gave/gives/going to give him.

okay. now i feel better.
i dont know why, but after the blog post that i was happy,
i just started to jump back into depression.
this moodswing things really get to me.
EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE.
another form of my weakness.
apart from PARANOIA, NEGATIVITY and reaction to PAIN.
plus many many more, and i cant take insults and stuff.
even redundant and stupid remarks from other people get to me.

my fingers are RED and swelling.
the skin is like RAW and it hurts just to type.
but the right hand fingers arent affected, since i was using picks and all.
now i know why many people say girls arent good guitarists or bassists.
bah. i would rather play the recorder for music tomorrow.
O_O
my guitar is probably the most plain looking one ever, but it looks nice to me, and i cant keep my hurting fingers off it for more than two hours.
but when i start to play, the UN-PRO-NESS gets to me.
shit. this sucks.
even now its sitting on my lap.

I SUCK AT CHORDS. BAHH..

did i say im obsessed with the song WAKE ME UP WHEN SEPTEMBER ENDS?
another boring song, but ive been playing it on ines' key board and im trying very hard to play it on guitar.
and steel string guitars are LOUD, so the whole house can hear it if i screw up.
THIS IS SO BLOODY EMBARASSING.

the sky is extremely gloomy.
i dont know why, but i find it beautiful.
theres a slight breeze, and the air is cool.
the rain might come down pouring any moment.
all this kinda appeals to me..
and the fact that i have a mini balcony at my room ROCKS,
bcus i can go and see all the houses around us and enjoy the weather.

okay. lunch is ready..
its pasta. gotta go..
ciao.