you left me here beside myself,

to show me all the reasons i was wrong for you.

i'll make an attempt to not sound as desperate.
i won't try too hard either, cause whatever comes out is you know,
from the heart.
the bunch of muscular tissues located in the center of our torso.

school was terrible. i know you're sick of hearing this but it WAS.
i THINK i fell sick this morning. cause from what i heard, i went pale.
i walked like a zombie. and i could barely feel my limbs.
and from what i know, i was too close to puking. the sickening feeling went on for the rest of the day till bout lunch.
i told amanda that it'll be really gross if anything came out cause i ate nutella on bread in the morning.
brown = shitlike.
you know.

i'm trying hard to lose myself in the classics,
books- that is.
i've become a bookworm.
classics have this surreal feel to them. the romance is so overpowering although given in tiny tiny dosages and expressed in the simplest of words.
"joy".
and then tragedy strikes, more often than not, and i find myself in tears of pity/whatever else for the characters.
but it hasn't been so. and i attribute that to the mountain load of emotions i carry right now.
forgive my insensitivity, my aloofness and my coldness;
i assure you i'm not doing it on purpose.

i've missed out on two-thirds of the lessons today just by reading the book.
impressive.

you didn't even give me a chance.

dance was really weird without any working power points for the radio,
and i resorted to counting aloud, REALLY loudly. i've kinda lost my voice now.
i made everyone stretch. i'm sure i'm pretty unliked by the juniors now.
and i'm sure they'll all by aching tmr.
"noelle made us split for so long luh, that *****."
oops. corner-to-corner was fun, and if not for the tiresome slackers, i think we would've made a little more progress.
then we had group choreography, and i embarrassed myself greatly by forgetting the steps.
to my surprise, not that i don't like it, a certain group did this really idk belly dance.
and i just stared on in wonder. and amusement perhaps.
dance club has NEVER done that. i mean hiphop's a given, and that means lots of krumping and shaking and all,
but belly dancing? NO.
wow.

i don't think i can, either wayO_O
...

there are seriously so many song lyrics that i wanna post up now but i know no one reads blogs for song lyrics right.
i'm trying to be considerate here(:

nothing's been going right.
and every single time i reach home, it all crashes down and on me and i break.
it's kinda natural cause when you walk home, you don't marvel at the great houses nor sing to the birds,
it's obvious that since you have pretty much nothing else to do,
you think.
and when you reach home, you finish your thinking cause you're so tired and you just dump everything away.
natural, see.
i can't focus.
i'm haunted by memories. and by perhaps, my conscience screaming out my every fault, my greed, and perhaps telling me that he'll be better off without you anyway.

i feel lonely now.
seeing couples PDA-ing on the mrt/bus irks me now more than ever, running to fetch my phone every few minutes- hoping i get a msg or a missed call, and even now,
sitting here waiting for someone to talk to me,
waiting for a "hi", "are you alright?" or maybe even a "you're hopeless Noelle".
yes i know, i'm not in denial.

i don't wanna be clingy.
it'll just be a nuisance, right? and i don't suppose it'll work either. i'll soon come to face it that plainly, i don't deserve anyone.

i'm gonna start talking to the computer screen soon. i'm driving myself insane.
i'll get better once i wake up. i know i will.
i've always been laughing at hopeless girls crying over/yearning for/sacrificing everything for/clinging onto heartless guys,
now i'm just cruelly laughing at myself.