last night/this morning was crazy, but it's over.. so i guess i should stop harping on it. it does take alot of guts for a girl to do such things you know? i have to thank one person though.. thanks samad.. even though i partly dragged you into this mess, you listened to me the whole night, you understood me.. youre a true friend i guess.. thank you.

one more last thing: i hope shaun doesnt know.. i know hes always been oblivious to this kind of thing.. didnt all this start PARTLY bcus of shaun?

hey shaun, its only the first day but i can feel the atmosphere without you here is different.. no one chionging on the ps2 every morning, no one cracking weird jokes, no one telling me about how their friends are.. no one to do crazy stuff with at home. i sure hope you'll enjoy your UK trip..

i'll wait till my aunty comes home from the temple then we'll head out shopping.. i just want to assume this neutral mood today, so i hope no one minds..

all i want is for people around me to stop playing 'pass the parcel' with blame, and really start thinking about what they've done so far.. and just forgive each other for whatever misunderstandings, differences and whatever happened. i know im not in the position to say all this, bcus i only know like 1/10 of whats going on.. but cant we all just ive simply and be happy? why the hell do you think i did this? its not like its the greatest thing in the world. but then again, noelle should just shut up as she is being told, cause she doesnt know a thing, and cant do a thing to help, and should just sit there and get screamed at for whatever reasons. well, everyone seems to think its plain smooth sailing for me now.. so i shall let them think whatever they want. besides, the damage is already done, and i HAVE chosen my path.. what can i do but beg for forgiveness and search for other solutions? *which i actually have done, but everyone seems too heated up to listen.. but then again nothing noelle comes up with is feasible..* where are all the nice people that always smile at me and try to get me into the conversation? what the hell happened that made such coldness, hardness, and unfriendliness? cant you all see that youre just bringing each other down by being like this? oh, yeah, scold me if you want, i just have to get this out, and i do deserve the scolding, so bring it on, and scold until you cant anymore, and then start doing something about the problem, and dont just blame people.


well, this sucks.