im extremely disappointed with myself.
extremely.

just got home from dance.
was unable to get the steps and expression right.
and had to continue smiling and acting like nothing was wrong.
cause the rest were still going strong even with their bodies covered in sweat.

went to parkway for lunch.
didnt have much. no appetite.
just forced myself to eat something.
otherwise i would probaly faint during dance.
so i got an egg prata.
and ther were a few times i unconciously ate the sugar instead of the curry or prata.
was distracted i guess.
so was ashley.
the teh tarik was awful.
but then again- so was everything else.

before that,
we had our maths ca.
guess what? im gonna FAIL.
confirmed. i didnt even fill up THREE of the answer boxes.
i just left loads of workings.
why? i wasnt even sure of what i was doing.
i didnt even get ANSWERS.
i just made questions more difficult to solve.
like i will get method marks for that.
and its upon 40. i bet my life i'll get less than 12.
i feel so freaking pathetic.
why can everyone understand and GRASP the concepts so easily?
i was taking down notes and stuff.
but somehow it didnt make any sense to me.
i guess im just plain stupid.
and exam dumb.
i cant help but compare myself to others.
and i feel really miserable.
especially since so many girls here are smart.
and im obviously not.

this coming friday is sports day.
hating it.
going to get a worse tshirt tan.
and our class didnt even get into any of the finals.
how seriously pathetic.
i didnt even do my high jump properly.
i was only in the top eight of my lvl.
big deal.
im a failure through and through.
how my easy life seriously sucks.

and we have MASS DANCING.
like its going to be any fun anyway.
just dancing under the terribly hot sun.
DANCING. imagine everyone staring.
oh PLEASE.
pathetic sports day. and we didnt get into cheerleading finals too.
or long jump, triple jump, high jump, and shot put for that matter.
and no track events either.

at least one thing has cleared up.
one thing that kept me smiling the whole morning until LITERATURE.
benita thought i was insane- i was smiling like an idiot throughout the whole horrible chinese lesson.
ashley thought so too.
but now its been replaced by another long face.

and theres SHAUN to worry about too.
i cant help but check on him every few minutes since hes just in the next room.
thats my stupid brother who doesnt look after himself properly and makes us worry so much.