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since the blog clock aint really working..
FRIDAY, 24th MARCH 2006, 12 plus PM.

in the library now.
faith and ashley and shermaine and maryam are doing their home ec project.
and im here being and extra and having lunch with them later.
and i have DANCE after that.
erm. but it wont be that bad today i guess..

went to school with puffy eyes.
cried to sleep yesterday.
erm. family problems la.
i guess im too spoiled.
i come home seeking comfort but end up losing my temper over some small matter just bcus i cant handle stress properly.
SPOILED ME.

erm.
yeah i figured my mum went checking my school bag and read my diary.
and shes pretending she didnt.
and i was chatting with people on MSN last night..
and she asked me who the hell i was chatting with and how i got to know them.
and asked who are 'these guys' i talk to so often.

she made it sound like i was a hopeless flirt talking to a bunch of despo guys.
so i kinda blew up.
but bit my lip until it almost bled and forced myself to shut up.
i didnt wna say it in her face.
but i honestly thought that i should have my 'space' and some respect.
-my weird teenage self centred thinking.
cause i did truly respect her..
but lately ive lost alot of respect for her.
but i have done nothing much to upset her this year.

i dont really mind her knowing..
but reading my diary is abit overboard.
even though shes my mum and stuff.
she was bound to know sooner or later anyway.
to me- my family doesnt even know a QUARTER of what im going through.
so i turn to my friends.
and she blames me for that.
it doesnt matter who it is..
and i wont go messing around with weird people.
her impresion of me must be so horrible that she thinks i go around partying and doing god knows what with a bunch of guys. and theyre not all guys anyway.

BUT still..

later on i was crying into my poor pillow.
sorry pillow*
erm. and she demanded ines' blanket which was in my room.
so i had no choice but to open the door.
and passed her the idiot blanket.
and i think she kinda freaked out when she saw my face.
erm. and she panicked like hell after that.
and immediately asked if i was facing some trouble in school and if i was facing some guy problem.

how highly insensitive.

*but i dont think she went through this anyway.
my sources tell me that she was the disco kinda girl.
my RELIABLE sources.
and met guys in the CLUB.
like how she met my dad and countless of people before him.

so i cant blame her for not understanding.
but she claims and insists she does.
so as usual i let her think what she wanted.

i asked her to politely GO AWAY.
cause i wasnt in the mood to bother much.
i was CRYING- what do u expect..

then i went and checked myself out in the mirror
*i know its the wrong time to do it.. but i wanted to see if i was really looking that screwed.

erm. it was terrifying.
i looked like i just got raped or something.
i didnt know i looked so screwed and messed up when i cried.
never noticed earlier.
O_O

now im much more noisier..
but when i went to school i immediately sat down and put my head on the table.
which i have never done..
cause usually i would put down my bag and start yakking with people.

erm. usually i wouldnt get puffy eyes in the morning..
but i guess i cried too much for too long.
^_^ i made nazurah a little worried.
thats a very rare thing.
nazurah usually doesnt give a damn.

erm. blog more later when i go home.
the librarian said she'll book anyone who was blogging or chatting.
but she walked right past and i smartly hit the f11 key on the school's webpage.
MUAHAHAHAHA.
cyaaaaaz.
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