finally im able to update.

i will feel very uncomfortable if i have something to blog about- but somehow im unable to. just like today and yesterday. its like being muted cause youre unable to say it aloud to everyone.. and youre not able to blog about it. does anyone feel the same way?


yesterday..
cheerleading practice.


ERM- please note tht im not putting myself against u girls or anything.. its just tht i find that somethuing should be done about it.


yes. erm..
after lunch at parkway..
we went looking arnd for our outfit..
and i just got really pissed and upset..
and gave everyone the black face and horrible attitude.
sorry. couldnt control my temper- i was afraid that alot of horrible things would spill out from my mouth if i actually opened it.
anyways.
i know you ppl can afford ALOT of things..
but for the NOT SO WELL TO DO ppl- no offence-
its just horrible to see all the money being carelessly akled about and not giving a damn abt how expensive it is- just as long as it looks good and its in fashion.
being a cheerleader doesnt mean looking good-
it means being able to motivate others.
we dont go up there to walk on a runway.
and please dont tell me to 'get a grip'-
do all of you actually know how hard it is to support a family?
pay for all your frigging needs?-
and instead of being grateful- OR EVEN APPRECIATIVE- u just ask for more.
even if your parents ARE much more than able to supply you- we shouldnt take the advantage.
we should never take advantage.
i just think that we're putting unduly pressure on our parents by our demands.
our parents are WORKING for US. because we are their RESPONSIBILITY.
just think from their point of view- life is never EVER a bed of roses.


i must be getting naggy..


okay. today was.. horrible.
i have to do the 'beartbroken' act-
which i havent been able to accomplish..
and ms chiam was so disappointed-
so i dont blame her for being pissed at me..
i feel so bad- i wasted daphne's and natasha's time
they could have been doing their homework or something..
but i was being such a prat and not doing it..
and practising over and over again..
i just feel horrible for wasting everyone's time..
btu ms chiam wasnt satisfied.. so i had to REPLAY the whole scene COUNTLESS of times..
i NEARLY broke down in school.
NEARLY.
i just cant disappoint everyone by not being able to do it.
it really sucks.
im getting signs of stress all over.
but if i give up it will be even worse to bear the GREATER disappointment.


i knew my holiday was going to suck.
i cant do anything right..
and i just give everyone the frigging cold shoulder.
cause i didnt wna breakdown in front of anyone.
oh well.


faith and co. went to escape today.
its not really counted as i PS them..
but i just feel horrible for not going out with them.
and it happens VERY FREQUENTLY.
and it sucks being left out.
seriously.
especially when they tell of how scary the ahunted house was and bla.. and how all of them screamed together.. and how much frigging fun and slack they had.
and i missed out on all of that.


i dont even have time to sit down and watch half an hour of TV.
or listen to the radio.
or chat with my friends.
my DANCE is [forceably] put in front of everything else there is to me.
my personal life. my entertainment. everything.
its just depressing.
and everyone thinks im having it easy.
cant stand it.


i need the fresh sea air of punngol beach.
to mull everything over.