had a difficult time last night.
cause of mum. hell yeah.
she was being damn mean last night, being a total B. i didnt even say anything to her, and she was like, "Everything you do is a FLOP! Why is it that you can't do even simple things right?"
it was a direct attack to me, and yes i know i'm quite a failure, but mum, you don't have to demoralise me like that.

it's not my fault that i'm getting poor results, i study so fcking hard and all, but my results still suck, cause my school standards are so unbelievably high. it's not as if i don't study, i'm just SLOW. stupid, whatever you call it. and whatever i do, or whatever i'm good at, you don't even appreciate. nice mum.

and it's not as if I wanted to get chicken pox. i know you're blaming me for that, saying that i shouldn't have danced (when i was actually studying), and that my immunity system is weak. yeah. if you had a bad time at work, be an adult about it, TALK about it. don't just yell at your sick daughter for no apparent reason. even if i am such a failure, i am trying to improve on myself, and it's not something that will happen overnight yeah?

and if i fail EOYs, then it's my fault, not yours, so whatever.
at the rate you're pushing me, i'm bound to fail anyway. just like what you said. it's not my fault that you set such high expectations for me. it's your fault that i can't meet them, and you get disappointed, and you call me a failure again.

i know out of all your three kids, i'm the most unpleasing and dislikeable. be biased if you want, it's not gonna affect me much, cause i choose not to care, and be strong without your support.

okay. enough. i've totally lost my appetite for the whole day.

alisha says she's coming today. to visit me, and maybe ashley too, with my books. finally, something to look forward to. sigh.

i like people who keep their promises to me.
and those who are willing to be up on the phone with me to comfort me.
in the wee hours of the morning.
i am grateful, yes. and i have a few words..
thank you loads and loads.
i could have never reached where i am without you.

okay, i'm gonna start gaming. seriously, to get my mind off certain matters.
ciao..