ive been quite busy lately..
okay, first things first: TAG REPLIES.

BENITA- i love you and christy, but not because of the hugs. :))
SYAFFER- syaf, i miss you and aisyah loads.. BARNEY O_O
ASHLEY- cant believe that hols almost over yet i didnt go and look for you. im quite a failure.
NAT- i know.. i love your present, thanks, althought i dont think im going to use it to paint my tongue anytime soon. LOL.
TD- youre not a girl, you wont understand. O_O although you sure can bitch like us.
WEIQIANG- its fun. ^_^

okay.. i just came home from parkway, and im going to grab my stuff and head to back to parkway after this post. O_O

IM A FREAK, MY RIGHT LEG IS WAY BIGGER THAN MY LEFT. IM SO UNHAPPY. HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN TO ME. FREAK. F-R-E-A-K. OH NO.. WHAT AM I TO DO? ITS SUPER OBVIOUS.. like all of the people in my ballet class could see it. oh oh no. dont let this happen to me..

IM GROWING FAT, i really really am. ms kok says so. and im a ballerina, so im supposed to be skinny, but im not.. my healthy diet thing didnt work out and going to the gym gave me more muscles and made me look fatter. grrrrrr. failure.. its back to starvation.

ive been busying myself with the STEP (sing-thai exchange prog. thingy) preparations.. and today i did the most stupid thing and somehow got myself involved in a ballet solo during the peformance. pissed my ass off. i lugged my guitar to school today, we were doing LEAN ON ME for one of the items.. like playing and singing, so now the song sounds so irritating.

got to know the seniors and the cool people in the programme, think theyre really cool and stuff, cant wait for the camp to start. i dont really like the juniors though.. O_O

well, i went parkway for lunch with the seniors (3 of them).. then went shopping around for stuff we needed for the camp..

well, went to GIANT.. okay, im certain its an R21 place, cause we saw PORN. nah, not really, but its just as bad as that.. well, there was this lady with her son.. *pity the son* she was wearing this mini-skirt at her waist (it looked tight.. and shes very big sized..) and she was wearing this extremely EWWW shirt with MANY spaghetti straps.. and was openly displaying her RED BRA.. and her skirt was so high that her butt cheeks could be seen.. and of course the many many many layers if cellulite below it. extremely sick..

the best part.. she kept bending DOWN.. okay, we really didnt mean to see, but we were facing her, and we got the FULL VIEW of her butt (because of her ultra short skirt) (thank god she was wearing something uderneath..).. and thats not only it, she was having her PERIOD. and we all just froze and silently started screaming. O_O silently. and we all just freaked out there and then.. we wanted to tell her badly, but she walked off.. pulling her innocent little son.. omfg.. i swear i have sore eyes now.. i really didnt mean to look. really.

asked this lady at giant where INSECT REPELLANTS were.. she told me section 29.. i went there, and i saw BAYGON, which is an INSECTICIDE (like those extremely smelly sprays you use to purify your house of mosquitoes).. wtf wtf. insect repellants - insecticides, big difference mi lady.

gave up, and left giant buying only a torchlight.

walked around, smacked many people with my guitar (my poor guitar).. really nothing much to say anymore lehs. bought something from PERLINI'S SILVER for my 'thai counterpart'.. bought batteries.. bought my INSECT REPELLANT.. and then came home.

thats today. yesterday had school and ballet and all that.. then watched PRIDE. whee. wanted to watch some more but was afraid my dad would scold me.. so i just went to bed. yeah, i went out for lunch at hougang mall and went to the beach before that.. was feeling very moody the whole day yesterday.. today also.. wtf la..

yesterday was quite disturbing.. i was outside hougang mall WAITING (obviously.. im forever waiting.. *stones*), and i saw this girl, arnd my age (definately not older).. running up to the dustbin next to me and taking one of the unfinished cigarrettes and puffing.. she blew smoke at me directly on purpose, but i just stared straight at her.. she was just wasting her life away..

i think she expected me to get pissed and pick a fight with her, but i didnt.. so that shocked her, and she threw down the cigg and ran off.. i think my expression scared her.. i wasnt angry or anything, it was just sad.. didnt realise i breathed in quite alot of smoke myself.

if i was feeling normal, she would have got a slap across her face..

after that i realised the pattern.. people would walk out of hougang mall with ciggs in their mouth, then once theyre out the light it.. or go in throwing their ciggs at the bin right next to me.. all this just saddened me. now every smoker stands out to me.. and i'll observe them.. and pity.

so thats why i was abit quiet the whole day.. also heard the girls chit about their NZ trip.. felt happy for them since they enjoyed it.. felt disappointed at myself for not being truly happy.

monday i'll only be in class for the second and third periods.. tuesday and wednesday i wont be in class at all.. busy with the thai thing.. thursday all the way till sunday i'll be off at moe camp. yeap. im afraid ill get my thing during the camp.. grrr..

half-wanting to go back to school and get hugs.. i really need my HUGS. badly. erm, yeah, haha. girls like to pet and coo and hug and kiss, so i'll just do the girl thing.

choreographed my bit for the solo already.. using my pre-ele music. and done my OWN checklist for the camp.. so i'll pack it tomorrow, since i dont have to go to school.. mum was scolding me about being last minute.. but that's the way i am.. sorry mum.. i'll just let her think what she wants and let her scold me la.. i dont defend myself anymore.. im too tired of it..

too tired of working to win other's approval.. tired of standing up for myself and making good impressions.. tired of getting disappointed or disappointing others.. tired of being nice..