tonight was pretty emotional.
heh.

it's pretty uncomfortable for me to say it,
but i really want to go to Brisbourne.

but i'm not in the same situation as everyone else, i'm not freaking loaded,
and yes, we do have different parents.
my parents are much more than able, it's just that i'm sure they could do so much more with three odd thousand.
and i think they'd agree with me.

it's no longer the stage where i can just beg and wail and persuade them you know?
i don't like being left alone in Singapore while everyone's dancing with the Royal Ballet.

i bet everyone now thinks i'm being a spoilsport and refusing to spend my money on it,
and that i'm being a stingybat. yup, i know so.

and plus, i can't BE immature and ask my parents to sacrifice 3k for MY trip.
one person. i mean, i know what a great experience it'll be,
and i certainly know that i'll die to be there.

it's not a matter of pride,
it's not a matter of loans,
i guess it's just LUST,
sounds wrong, but rather obviously i'm lusting over something.
i don't need it, it's a luxury which is not affected by the laws of demand and supply.
(erm.)

being left in Singapore while the rest went to NZ was already too much for me,
as if i'll like to go through that again.
and they'll come back with so many photographs and inside jokes, i'll just feel awkward.

i'm in such a dilemma.
i would be so grateful if i could just you know, GO.
even to the cheaper choice of Hong Kong (S$2500/--)

and if 3k really did drop down from the sky,
i'll give it to mum to bring us ALL on a holiday.


i will not be selfish.
i promised, i won't.