oh damn.
do i appear very happy and all recently?

i feel as if im living two different lives right now.
one busy, stressful, hectic life,
and one scandalous, yet extremely blissful one.
i feel like im escaping reality sometimesO_O

damn.
am i too tired, or busy, or pressured, or scared?
is that why im becoming like this?
and i have indeed pangseh-ed ALOT of people.
i just PS-ed the ballet people today. no reason given, ignoring all their calls, fighting with myself whether to actually reply them and explain, or not.
and in the end, i didnt.
im never like this. N E V E R.

hopefully they'll understand.
personally i would bash a person up if she just disappeared without notice.
maybe that person might just be me tomorrow.

fake smiling,
and lying through my teeth without a flinch has become my daily routine.
i do feel guilty at times,
but honestly- i dont think im brave enough to do anything about it.

and im called to go for a STEP meeting tomorrow. and its supposed to be very important? argh. im already busy enough as it is.
PLUS, there's dance! at some NORMANTON PARK in BUONA VISTA, which is SO far away, and its extremely hard to get to.
i have to skip dance. its not that i dont want to go, i CANT go.

well, here's the rough idea of 2007.
JAN
CCA promotion day (with the dances and all the promoting and stuff. ergh.)
FEB to APRIL
SYF! i am NOT looking forward to that.
JUNE
Spore-Thai Exchange Programme
NZ workshop (martin asked me if i was going.. i couldnt answer himO_O)
JULY
that CSTD competition ms chiam wants to send us for
Shanghai dance trip with crestar
(these two have a BIG chance of CLASHINGG)
and- the year hasnt even started. imagine the load of events added to my above list!
plus, the usual ballet and SCHOOL (ERGH),
AND if i get in, Senior Dance Group.

talk about pressure.
im definately feeling it.
and a whole new class? im dreading it.

my family's not going easy on me either.
i need a major holiday. somewhere far far away, in some mountain or cave, with no way of contacting the outside world.
this is no way to meet the delightful year end.

and that grace tan is like talking to me now,
so i shall end it here.
ah well. my internet is like SUPER laggy as well.
damn.